Barbie Boobies

Face Timing the Kids from Canada- thank God for iPhones!

Things are progressing well with the reconstruction phase (phase? it's been non-stop since last July!) of my post-breast cancer diagnoses. After having incision issues again, I returned back to Dr. S today and resumed the fill-in process.  Many people are intrigued by this "fill-in" process and ask me all the time how it works.  And I'm sure there are many of you out there (mostly dudes) who are too embarrassed to ask.  But good for those of you who do ask me!  You know I'll share, don't you?

I chose two-stage reconstruction.  At the time of my mastectomy, a tissue expander, which is like a balloon, was put under my skin and chest muscle. Through a tiny valve under the skin, the surgeon injects a saline solution at regular intervals to fill the expander over time.  In my case, I go every week for "fill-ins."  Dr. S finds the port with a magnet and marks it with a pen.  Then he sticks me with a BIG ASS needle and injects the saline.  {For those of you who know about my Pulp Fiction obsession, I think of Mia Wallace every time he marks me with a marker on my chest!}. He puts in 50ccs at a time at the max. I barely feel the needle- I don't have much feeling.  However, when the saline goes in, I can feel pressure against my chest and for the most part, it is temporary and not too painful.  The last fill-in I had with Kim (my first experience with BC on my left side), it hurt for a few weeks.  I definitely think I was stretching my limit, and I knew that was enough. Once the desired size is chosen, Dr. S requires we wait 8 weeks for the skin to properly stretch.  There are different time-lines for different surgeons.  I have a friend whose Dr. gave her 100ccs at a time and put the implants in a couple of weeks later.  But then again, we all know about my conservative surgeon.  Once the 8 weeks is over and everything looks good, Dr. S will perform the "swap" of the expander for the implant. I chose silicone implants on Dr. S's recommendation and I am happy with the decision.  For me, the saline implants didn't feel as "real" and there is more of a risk that they'll "fall." Of course, there are risks with the silicone implants. A rupture can cause a slow leak.  But these implants have come a long way and the last thing I'm worried about after having cancer, is my implant rupturing!  The surgery recovery itself, the first time around, was a cake-walk for me. My skin must have been perfectly stretched out, because I had virtually no pain whatsoever. I pray that this is the case for my right side.

So you would think that the implants are in and that's the end of the story, huh?  NOT SO.  At this point, I look like this (minus the blond hair and skinny arms):

Yes, that's right, no nipples or areolas, just nice mastectomy scars in the middle of my lady lumps. Well, let's give a big ol' HELL YEAH for plastic surgeons, because there is work to be done!

For one, there is no breast tissue, only an implant, so it's typical for dimples, rippling, etc to occur.  In this case, Dr. S will perform lipo or local fat extraction - wherever I choose (BONUS) and inject that fat into the dimply spots on my breasts to "round them out."  In fact, I do have a couple of spots on Kim where some work needs done, but he's obviously going to wait until Kourtney is done to do anything. 

Once that is done, the nipples will be constructed and areolas will be tattooed (yes, tattooed).  Crazy!  I will say, the thought of not getting nipples has crossed my mind.  I would never need a bra! Just like Barbie, in clothes, I'll look freakin' fantastic, but underneath the clothes?  I know men are pretty simple creatures, but I'm not sure how this would fly with most dudes and one of these days, I might, MIGHT be in an actual relationship (?!?!)  I'm a pretty confident person, but I've suffered with body issues my whole life.  At this point, I feel like a cosmic joke has been placed on me with all of this.  My thought is I'll treat it like I do my "twin skin" and stretch marks from pregnancy....battle scars to remind me what is and what is not important in life.  Placing emphasis on the fact I've survived breast cancer helps me with the fact that a lot of my feminine identity has been stolen from me.  But it still sucks.  A lot.  No matter how "perfect" a plastic surgeon can make them look, the fact is that mine are gone and these are just a mere substitution to get me through the vanity of our society. 

Again, I'm sorry for the comment box not working for most of you.  To leave me feedback or whatever else regarding this post, please feel free to email me at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.  I love reading your thoughts and opinions!