Give Peas a Chance

“Be true to the game, because the game will be true to you. If you try to shortcut the game, then the game will shortcut you. If you put forth the effort, good things will be bestowed upon you. That’s truly about the game, and in some ways that’s about life too.”  -Michael Jordan

I had to include a quote from iconic Michael Jordan in my blog. He turns 50 this week! I'm about to embark on an interesting "game" or "challenge" of my own for the next 40 days. I'm going to go VEGAN for the next 40 days. Before everyone goes all, "has Amy gone overboard in her post-cancer paranoia?" and before my Dad tells me about my tendencies to give in to the trend-of-the-week, I want to make something perfectly clear. I am not going Vegan because it's trendy, nor am I doing it because I have any beliefs that eating animals are wrong.  God, no. I love meat, I love fish. I don't cry when I see the truckload of cows and I harbor no ill-will toward hunters whatsoever, period.  I am doing this solely for the purpose of seeing if I can actually do it:  buy different food, cook different meals, eating all plant-based food.  I'm curious as to whether it'll make me feel better?  Will I be more tired?  Will I be able to run and work-out like before with as much energy? Can I lose weight doing this? I'm curious.  And my Ju-Ju has been a little off lately, so maybe this will shake things up a bit.

A huge obstacle for me, is the fact I have three work-trips during this 40-day span.  I'm already nervous about missing my green juice I drink every morning.  There is nothing in a bottle that can substitute the green juice I religiously concoct for myself every day.  My body craves it now.

Or maybe the biggest challenge will be that when I look up recipes, I don't even know what half this shit is! Seitan? Chia Seeds? Falafal? Well, I "feel awful" already.  I live in the sticks of Indiana- it's hard to find this stuff and what they have at the health food store is expensive.  The last thing I want to happen is that I become a carbo-tarian or that I eat vegetable soup for 40 days.

This goes in the juicer every morning.

Maybe that isn't the biggest challenge I'll face.  Maybe the biggest challenge will be that I promised my friends, family, and co-workers (co-workers the most), that part of this challenge is that I'm going to try really really hard not to complain about this temporary lifestyle change.  Being the Lenten season, sacrificing should be humble and quiet.  Yeah, right, I know, I get it, I'm publicizing this to all in my blog for all to see. It's my outlet, what can I say?

Me, in 2 weeks at Nashville :)

I'd encourage you all to try a personal sacrifice. Maybe lay-off the soda, or try to give up Facebook for a while.  You never know when giving up something leads to liking something else completely different!

I would love feedback about a Vegan diet.  Email me at amymariesmith93@gmail.com .  If you are on Twitter, please follow me at @amysmith70.  I promise not to disappoint.  I'm candid, obnoxious, TMI, and sometimes offensive on Twitter, but it might be a bigger stress reliever for me than this blog!

From Fog to... "F-bomb!"

As I was reading Facebook posts this morning, it hit me like a smack in the face, the realization of what just happened to me. In this particular post, a friend asked for prayers for a colleague going in for a mastectomy.  Suddenly, I felt so sorry for this person who I didn't even know, as if this never happened to me.  Then it hit me, "oh yeah, I had to do that once...er, I mean twice." F**K.  That must have really sucked for me!  The thing is... of course it sucked, but I only did what I knew I had to do to live.  You would be surprised at yourself what happens when you are truly faced with either living or dying.  My psyche was protected by this killer instinct.  I was calm (for the most part) and it never occurred to me to cower. And when people say things like, "you're a fighter" or "you're a survivor" I thought that was kind of dumb, because it never occurred to me that I would actually not survive. But now, as the fog of cancer is lifting, the impact of all of this is sinking in and I realize the seriousness of it all.  When I go to the doctor for the littlest thing, they go overboard with the tests BECAUSE I HAD CANCER. When I go to get life insurance, I get denied BECAUSE I HAD CANCER.  People do overly nice things for me BECAUSE I HAD CANCER. Wow, this is kind of a serious matter.

The fog is lifted and I'm moving on. So now what? Well, now that I am past the imminent danger of dying (insert sarcastic tone), I have some decisions to make about my reconstruction (now for serious tone).  At first, bringing this up seemed trivial and unimportant and I didn't want people to think that this was a topic more serious than chemo, or losing fertility, or dealing with late stage cancer, but it does merit talking about because it affects the way a woman perceives herself for the rest of her life.  And when you've lived your entire life having body image issues anyway, chopping off the 2 things that define your femininity, at least symbolically, is of a serious psychological matter.  <Please know that I am only speaking for me and don't pretend to represent the whole female race>.  Women who have survived breast cancer run the spectrum of opinions on this.  Well, unfortunately, my reconstruction, having been done a two separate times, didn't quite leave me satisfied....at all.  Going into it with no big expectation anyway, my hope was that they would at least be even.  I can live with the scars.  I consider those battle wounds.  What I was left with was a not so bad Kim, but a very scar-tissued Kourtney. And very uneven.  Like, not a little bit, but a LOT.  My plastic surgeon wants to wait until March to make sure Kim doesn't do what Kourtney did- form too much scar tissue.  If I so choose, he will go in and break up the scar tissue, which will hopefully make them even up a little. Having already had 4 surgeries since June 2011, the thought of another one is agonizing. The 3rd year of meeting my out-of-pocket maximum on my insurance, and the 3rd year of having to take time off work to recover.  For what?  An inch or two of vanity?  That sounds INSANE! I know it must sound ridiculous to everyone.  I haven't made my decision yet on whether I will go through with it.  But I know me and I have to look at it everyday.  The question remains, is it worth it?  The time, the money, the vanity? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't struggling with deciding.

Me, receiving an award at Parkview Hospital from INC's
Melissa Long

The comment thingy doesn't work half the time, so if you want to contact me, you can do so at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.  I love feedback and opinions! Fire away! And I love to tweet so if you are on twitter, please follow me at @amysmith70.

How to Keep Cancer Away? BEETS ME!

 

It has been almost a year since my second diagnosis.  Life is pretty good and I'm well on my way to normality again. A new chapter begins!

Chapter 6: Cancer survivor. Case closed, end of story?  Or cursed with constantly wondering if/when it will return.  I fall somewhere in the middle, but I definitely don't feel cursed.  In fact, although it seems morbid to those who have never faced a serious illness, I am actually a little relieved to have that horrible dx out of the way in my life.  Don't take that the wrong way- any actuary will give you the statistics (I know this all too well, because of life insurance denials) and although my Oncotype Scores say the chance of recurrence is low, the fact remains that I had bi-lateral breast cancer.  Twice in one year I was told I had cancer. It's about the worst thing you could ever hear. And I was told twice. I want to hear that diagnosis again right around...NEVER, so I am doing everything in my (will)power to keep it from coming back.

(Will)power, because I'm really trying makes some serious dietary changes and that means cutting out a lot of the really bad food I was eating, mostly processed sugar and refined flour. Cancer feeds on sugar. The German biologist Otto Heinrich Warburg won a Nobel Prize for his discovery that the metabolism of malignant tumours is largely dependent on glucose consumption. Insulin production triggers inflammation. Those who eat low-sugar Asian diets tend to have five to ten times fewer hormonally driven cancers than those with diets high in sugar and refined foods.  If you want to protect yourself from cancer, you should reduce your consumption of processed sugar and bleached flour.
Dr. David Servan-Schreiber, who wrote, Anticancer: A New Way of Life, said, "It is up to us to use our body's natural defenses."  In his book (a must-read), he talks of superfoods.  Here are some cancer-fighting super-foods which contain precious anti-cancer molecules: 


GREEN TEA
Rich in polyphenols that reduce the growth of the new blood vessels needed for tumour growth, green tea is also a powerful antioxidant and activates mechanisms in the liver which help to eliminate cancerous toxins from the body more rapidly. In mice it has been shown to block the effects of chemical carcinogens responsible for breast, lung, oesophageal, stomach and colon cancer.

TURMERIC
The most powerful natural anti-inflammatory identified today. In the laboratory it enhances the effectiveness of chemotherapy and reduces tumour growth. To be assimilated by the body turmeric needs to be mixed with black pepper and, ideally, it should be dissolved in oil.

GARLIC, ONIONS, LEEKS, SHALLOTS and CHIVES
These all help to regulate blood sugar levels, which in turn reduces insulin secretion and thus the growth of cancer cells. They promote the death of cancer cells in colon, breast, lung and prostate cancer.

MUSHROOMS
Shiitake, crimini, portabello and oyster mushrooms stimulate the reproduction and activity of immune cells. They are often used in Japan as a complement to chemotherapy to support the immune system.

 

CRUCIFEROUS VEGETABLES
Cabbages, sprouts, broccoli and cauliflower contain powerful anti-cancer molecules. But boiling will destroy them — steam briefly or stir-fry rapidly in a little olive oil.

 

FRUITS AND VEGETABLES RICH IN CAROTENOIDS
Carrots, yams, sweet potatoes, squash, tomatoes, apricots, beets and all the brightly coloured fruits and vegetables contain vitamin A and lycopene, which have the proven capacity to inhibit the growth of particularly aggressive cancers.

HERBS AND SPICES
Rosemary, thyme, oregano, basil and mint are rich in essential oils of the tarpene family which reduce the spread of cancer cells by blocking the enzymes they need to invade neighbouring tissues.

CITRUS FRUIT
Oranges, tangerines, lemons and grapefruit contain anti-inflammatory flavonoids which are also present in the skin. So buy organic, unwaxed citrus fruit and add the zest to salad dressing or steep the skins in hot water or tea.




Beet Carnage

I'm not a breakfast eater, so every morning I make a juice concoction with 1 large beet, 2 kiwis, 1 orange, and an apple. I always say, "a beet a day keeps the cancer away."  (All those other fruits I mentioned are added to take away the dirty, beety taste). 

Stay tuned for Lent!  I'm thinking about 40 days of a Vegan diet as my sacrifice.  And you guessed it....I'll blog about it!  It'll be a true challenge, especially with my travel schedule during that time.  BTW, my very concerned and caring friend, Judi, pointed out that Guinness is NOT Vegan :0

In the meantime, my "wtf" attitude is still in full force.  Although responsibilities (lots of them....LOTS of them) preclude me from an EAT PRAY LOVE scenario...damn that Julia Roberts...I still try to find a little time for myself everyday.  Selfishly, that happens oftentimes to the detriment of my poor kids who are forced to fend for themselves while 'mommy can run' or 'mommy can go to the gym.'  Too often women put everyone else's needs ahead of their own. I am very lucky that that my breast cancer dx forced me to wake up and put me first.  My kids need their mentally and physically-well Mama!   

I'd love to hear your thoughts on a Vegan diet, dietary tips, or anything else you'd like to share! Email me at amymariesmith93@gmail.com .  Follow me on Twitter @amysmith70.

GLAD to be...Cancer Free!

.It's been a little over a month since my last surgery.  Although the constant stream of follow-up appointments with the oncologist, more MRIs, and plastic surgery appointments are making it impossible to completely put the thought of cancer behind me, I can finally look forward to life changes and events without the shadow of the next surgery or scan lurking. And I do!  There is no time to worry about what may happen months and years from now.  I saw a quote recently from Benjamin Franklin that I loved.  It read, "Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen.  Keep in the sunlight." 

 

Well, I'm staying in the sunlight!  Not every day is easy, but it's always an adventure, especially raising three precocious 'tweeners, but I really try to be GLAD for every day. How am I managing post-cancer, you ask?  I'm GLAD you asked :)

 

God

I'm not always perfect (SHOCKER!) but I try to keep God at the center of my life. It's not always easy- I was pretty pissed off at Him for a while.  I gave up years ago trying to map and figure out my life.  Oh, I made plans. But God laughed!  So bring it on- I think I've proven that I can take whatever is thrown my way.

 

Get down with these other "G" words: Guinness, Girlfriends, Grandparents, Guitars

 

Live!

Don't wait until you are retired to take the trip, take the trip now!  There is no guarantee of tomorrow.  Be sensible, but treat yourself once in a while.  Buy the Uggs, or the designer dress. Don't wait until the braces are off your kids' teeth, or wait until the kids are out of college, splurge once in a while.  You are smart enough to balance sensibility and fun.  Complacency is killer!  Don't settle for a mundane or unhappy life- you deserve better.

 

I like these "L" words too:  Love, Leisure, Las Vegas, Lakes, Lizzy

 

Advocate

Some people are private, some people like to share their experiences, then there's ME! Having gone through so many trials (rare high-risk twin pregnancy, divorce, cancer, working single-motherhood) I feel like I have some sort of obligation to help others and I embrace this role.  I don't have all the answers and I've needed help of my own along the way for sure, but I feel that God puts people in our lives for an exact reason- there are no such thing as coincidences.  There are those that I wonder why on earth they were put in my life, and those who I know exactly why they were put here!

 

All rise for these "A" words: America, All-Terrain Wheelchairs, Angola, Amy (me!), mAria, mAtt

 

Dream

Ray Charles said, "Dreams, if they are any good, are a little bit crazy." Well, I have some crazy-ass dreams.  Whether it be dreams about Mr. Right, a better career, achieving success, or a new place to live, dreams are what keep us hopeful.  So dream on, people!

 

Damn, these "D" words are delightful too:  Dudes, Dating, Dogs, Determination (that sounded more like a stream of thought or word association, huh?!)

 

 

I want to share a recent pic of my bestest college girlfriends from St. Mary's. We were determined to make a girls trip to Vegas happen and we did.  So for one fun weekend, we left behind all of our kids and obligations and had a blast in Las Vegas.  WOW!  These girlfriends of mine in the picture are some intelligent, fun, successful, and beautiful CHICAS!

 

 

 

L-R: Beth Larimer LaPrade, Buffalo, NY; Kelly Marozas Turula, Chicago, IL; Suzanne Schaffler Bautch, Garden City, NY; Laura Hanson Louder, Wilmington, DE; Julie Lynch, Charleston, SC; Amy Smith Wheeler, Angola, IN; Tricia Penny Pirone, Portland, ME; Robin Deal Clements, Birmingham, MI; Ellen Leonard, San Diego, CA; MISSING FROM PIC: Sarah Johnson Collyge, Bentonville, AR

Warrior Weary

Me & one of my best life-long friends, Lori, who lost her
 sister to breast cancer at too young of an age.

"I don't want to scold you, but don't let Tamoxifen be an excuse to eat a lot."  This is what my Oncologist said to me at my last appointment.  Seriously?  You are going to pick on a poor bi-lateral breast cancer survivor for gaining weight??  I LOVE HER!  It's about time someone pointed out what was obvious to me.  I knew it would be a bad weigh-in so I closed my eyes and instructed the nurse not to tell me the damage when I stepped on the scale. There went the honeymoon period. Time to get to work.  This 5'1" frame can't afford even a 10 lb weight gain and expect to fit into the clothes in the closet.  So I'm working out almost every day and trying to eat a lot better, although there are times I'm so famished I can hardly stand it (Tamoxifen side-effect).  I promised her a better scale number the next time I see her in September.  She also ordered another MRI on my abdomen, to see whether the incidental lesion found on my liver has grown at all.  Although the PET scan I had in January showed it to be non-cancerous, it could still be a matter of concern if it grows.  Unfortunately, because of this DAMNED tissue expander that is still in my body, I cannot have the MRI yet because of the magnetic port on the expander.  The last thing we'd need is a reverse impalement with my port shooting out of my bosom.  It looks like this MRI will likely take place in August as soon as I'm feeling well enough following my implant surgery on July 31.  Again...timeline too slow for this impatient girl.

We all have our battles to fight in life.  Now that I'm awaiting my final implant surgery, I have finally grown very "warrior" weary of all that has taken place since May 16, 2011.  I'm tired of the doctor's offices, tired of the insurance battles, tired of the driving, and even tired of all the pink. There is a feeling of isolation that I can't put my finger on, a feeling of not belonging to a category, group or demographic. Most of you are thinking, "but Amy, you belong in a class of your own!" (HAHA!!) Well, I'm here to tell ya, I just want to be normal and lead a normal life, but life doesn't seem to be leading me that way for some reason! It is a very difficult thing to pinpoint and explain.  At my last show, there was a mastectomy bra booth that I visited and all the women there had 20 years on me.  The sympathetic eyes and questions caught me off-guard.  And the "you went through this alone" comments! I was hardly alone.  I don't think anyone could have had more people by her side.  Yet, yes, I get their sympathy because I do feel alone. Weirdly. 

Living on the lake all summer, wearing a bathing suit the entire weekend is not uncommon for me.  This summer, I find myself completely jealous of all the women, young and old, who have their own boobs...whether they are small, big, saggy, or whatever, at least they have them!  As much as mine may "appear" to look good in a bikini, they are actually hard, cold, scarred, and lifeless.  Space-fillers.  That's what I call them!  None of my friends get this.  I am extremely thankful for my oncology surgeon who rid me of cancer, and for the plastic surgeon doing his best to make it all look better, don't get me wrong.  I guess I'm just experiencing bitterness that I had to get breast cancer in the first place. 

For being very happy and blessed, that was kind of a downer blog entry- SORRY!  I am actually doing very well.  I'm anxious for July 31, and I think I might throw up when I walk in that place- it brings back the most horrible memories of one of the worst days of my life getting the news that I had another malignant tumor in my other breast.  But I only have two boobs, thank God, so I'm sure all will go well this time around!

For all you newbies reading my blog, the comment box doesn't work most of the time, but please feel free to leave feedback at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.  And follow me on Twitter, please!  @amysmith70.



One Really Crappy Year, DOWN!

A dear friend of mine came out to see me after my second mastectomy and we watched a bunch of movies, one of them being, "Crazy Stupid Love."   Remember the part where Steve Carell's co-worker heard him crying in the bathroom and they were all sure he had cancer?  It turned out it was just divorce.  I looked at my friend and she looked at me.  It occurred to me then, man, I've gone through both of those things in 2 years time.  I'm so used to bad stuff happening lately, devastating stuff,  that the littlest good things now seem incredible to me!  I just want to tell everyone that even in the darkest times of your life, you have to hold out for another day- it will get better!  But that doesn't mean I get a little nervous about looking too far into the future...

It's been one year since my first breast cancer diagnosis.  Although the newness of being the "survivor" instead of the "fighter" is waning, the realization of what it means to have had cancer is starting to rear its ugly head.  Just one example, is that I naively applied for life insurance through my employer during open enrollment, and received the "are you serious?" letter from Anthem.  *DENIED*.  I guess in a weird sort of way, I still think the rules don't apply to me somehow. I have all the confidence in the world I'll never have a recurrence, but the underwriters and their equations believe otherwise.

But then I started to really think about it.  These underwriters don't know that I've seen three oncologists who all agree that my recurrence rate is low...that the Oncotype DX test says so; that I've been to a new GYN who has survived cancer herself and believes in preventative care to keep cancer away for good, hooking me up with all kinds of way too expensive supplements (will discuss in another blog entry, for sure); that I tested negative for the BRCA genetic testing; that I workout like a mad woman; and that I've really been trying to cut out the bad foods that breed inflammation and cancer cells.  (Well, ok, I'm not doing so hot with that last one, but I'm trying!)   No, the application process simply asked for surgeries, medications, and diagnoses.  "Breast cancer" was the buzzword, and the rubber stamp of disapproval was laid upon me with no questions asked.

As for what's going on with me physically at this point- I am in the waiting and stretching phase of my reconstruction for "Kourtney."  A strange calm has come over me.  I was SO impatient during this phase the first time around.  Now, I find myself forgetting that I need to keep my calendar open in July for my second implant surgery!  I guess I've been through so much that this seems like an afterthought.


From a medication standpoint, it's been a few months now that I've been on Tamoxifen.  Tamoxifen is an estrogen blocker that I have to be on for the next 5 years.  I don't doubt the effectiveness of this drug, but the side-effects are kicking my butt!  The least favorite being the weight gain. The night sweats aren't much fun either.  I complain a lot about the side-effects, but then I realize that it beats the hell out of chemo!

I've also come to embrace the advocate role that my diagnosis has created.  I've had close friends call me very worried about their mammogram "call backs."  I've had women, young, old, and middle-aged contact me for advice when the news wasn't good.  I love and embrace this responsibility!  And let's face it, unfortunately, 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. Information is power.  Without the advice I received from Kathy C, Darcy K, Carol B, Heidi F, Amy P, and Hollye H, I never would be where I am now.

I welcome any and all comments, encouragement, feedback, advice, etc.! The 'comment' box on this blog isn't very reliable, so feel free to send me an email at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.  And please follow me on Twitter @amysmith70.

HIPAA Laws Not Applicable to the TSA

Dr. Shambaugh, Me, & Paula :)

I have to start by saying that someone I know, a co-worker...(ok, it was Rick), told me a while back that he wasn't reading my blog because there weren't enough pictures and it was too long!  So that's why you have been seeing a lot of photos in my entries.   As for the length of my posts....I'm wordy- what can I say.

Most of you probably saw my Facebook post that my Oncotype DX testing came back. This test was launched in the United States in 2004.  It is a diagnostic test that helps breast and colon cancer patients and their doctors determine whether chemotherapy should be included in their treatment plan and also indicates how likely the cancer is to return in the future.  The criteria for breast cancer patients to use this test is that the cancer is early-stage and estrogen receptor positive, both of which applied to me.  A sample of the tumor is sent to the company that developed this test, Genomic Health. It looks at a group of 21 genes within a woman’s tumor sample—16 cancer genes and 5 control genes—to see how they are expressed, or how active they are. The results of the test are reported as a quantitative Recurrence Score^® result, which is a score between 0 and 100 that correlates with the likelihood of having the cancer return, and the likelihood that the patient will benefit from adding chemotherapy to hormonal therapy. 

Dr. Agerwaal (my second-opinion Oncologist) explained to me that in the clinical trials that have been done, it was determined that the women who score in the low range typically derive no benefit to chemotherapy.  On the other hand, women in the high end of the scale received great benefit from chemo.  However, Dr. Agerwaal cautioned me that the clinical trials are only now wrapping up on the women who score in the middle, and that there isn't sufficient data to see where these women fit in the picture.  SHE recommended that if I were to score in the middle range that chemo would be my best option.

A week later, my first Oncologist called me to tell me that I scored a 5!  She said that they hardly ever see a score that low.  I'm thinking I scored a zero and they are just covering their asses!  This piece of great news was such a relief.  Having been told early on by my surgeon that I would most likely need chemo, I had prepared myself for a long summer and fall.  What a blessing that this technology and testing is around for women like me who even 10 years ago would have been automatically given chemo unnecessarily.

My friend, Lori & I at Oak Mountain Winery in Temecula, CA

Kourtney update:  I saw Dr. S (pictured above!) and told him that I wouldn't be in the following week for my fill-in because I would be in Los Angeles.  And he was going to be out the following week, so I convinced him to add 100cc's to my expander instead of the usual 50!!  For those of you who regularly read my blog, you know this is a huge deal....that I could talk Dr. S in to deviating from HIS timeline. I'm so proud of my persuasive ways.  I will say...adding 100 cc's was painful but there was no way I was going to show any discomfort or he would have stopped.  My appointment was two weeks ago and it is still painful.  I should only need 50cc's more added and I'll be at my desired size. I'm dreading the 4th surgery in a year's time, but there will be follow-up procedures (fat-grafting, nipples) that need to be performed yet, and I really need all of this done by year's end for insurance purposes. 

Speaking of my expander....on my way back from LA, the TSA stopped me after I went through the machine at security at LAX.  The TSA agent asked (very loudly), "what is in your bra?"  Now, I'm not shy and I'm obviously open about my breast cancer, but did the whole line of travellers grabbing their belongings out of their containers really need to hear my business??  I told her that it was a surgically-placed tissue expander and that it is used for reconstruction after a mastectomy.  She then told me that she needed to inspect me and without offering me a "privacy area" quickly "felt me up" on my right side and also checked my hands for residue! Nice!  I've flown about 4 or 5 times with an expander and never had an issue.  I can't wait to tell Dr. S, because early-on I had asked him about this, and he said he had never heard of anyone having an issue.  Leave it to me to be the first!!

To leave me feedback, comments, opinions, or love, email me at amymariesmith93@gmail.com .  You can try the comment box but it is still a little quirky.