Give Peas a Chance

“Be true to the game, because the game will be true to you. If you try to shortcut the game, then the game will shortcut you. If you put forth the effort, good things will be bestowed upon you. That’s truly about the game, and in some ways that’s about life too.”  -Michael Jordan

I had to include a quote from iconic Michael Jordan in my blog. He turns 50 this week! I'm about to embark on an interesting "game" or "challenge" of my own for the next 40 days. I'm going to go VEGAN for the next 40 days. Before everyone goes all, "has Amy gone overboard in her post-cancer paranoia?" and before my Dad tells me about my tendencies to give in to the trend-of-the-week, I want to make something perfectly clear. I am not going Vegan because it's trendy, nor am I doing it because I have any beliefs that eating animals are wrong.  God, no. I love meat, I love fish. I don't cry when I see the truckload of cows and I harbor no ill-will toward hunters whatsoever, period.  I am doing this solely for the purpose of seeing if I can actually do it:  buy different food, cook different meals, eating all plant-based food.  I'm curious as to whether it'll make me feel better?  Will I be more tired?  Will I be able to run and work-out like before with as much energy? Can I lose weight doing this? I'm curious.  And my Ju-Ju has been a little off lately, so maybe this will shake things up a bit.

A huge obstacle for me, is the fact I have three work-trips during this 40-day span.  I'm already nervous about missing my green juice I drink every morning.  There is nothing in a bottle that can substitute the green juice I religiously concoct for myself every day.  My body craves it now.

Or maybe the biggest challenge will be that when I look up recipes, I don't even know what half this shit is! Seitan? Chia Seeds? Falafal? Well, I "feel awful" already.  I live in the sticks of Indiana- it's hard to find this stuff and what they have at the health food store is expensive.  The last thing I want to happen is that I become a carbo-tarian or that I eat vegetable soup for 40 days.

This goes in the juicer every morning.

Maybe that isn't the biggest challenge I'll face.  Maybe the biggest challenge will be that I promised my friends, family, and co-workers (co-workers the most), that part of this challenge is that I'm going to try really really hard not to complain about this temporary lifestyle change.  Being the Lenten season, sacrificing should be humble and quiet.  Yeah, right, I know, I get it, I'm publicizing this to all in my blog for all to see. It's my outlet, what can I say?

Me, in 2 weeks at Nashville :)

I'd encourage you all to try a personal sacrifice. Maybe lay-off the soda, or try to give up Facebook for a while.  You never know when giving up something leads to liking something else completely different!

I would love feedback about a Vegan diet.  Email me at amymariesmith93@gmail.com .  If you are on Twitter, please follow me at @amysmith70.  I promise not to disappoint.  I'm candid, obnoxious, TMI, and sometimes offensive on Twitter, but it might be a bigger stress reliever for me than this blog!

From Fog to... "F-bomb!"

As I was reading Facebook posts this morning, it hit me like a smack in the face, the realization of what just happened to me. In this particular post, a friend asked for prayers for a colleague going in for a mastectomy.  Suddenly, I felt so sorry for this person who I didn't even know, as if this never happened to me.  Then it hit me, "oh yeah, I had to do that once...er, I mean twice." F**K.  That must have really sucked for me!  The thing is... of course it sucked, but I only did what I knew I had to do to live.  You would be surprised at yourself what happens when you are truly faced with either living or dying.  My psyche was protected by this killer instinct.  I was calm (for the most part) and it never occurred to me to cower. And when people say things like, "you're a fighter" or "you're a survivor" I thought that was kind of dumb, because it never occurred to me that I would actually not survive. But now, as the fog of cancer is lifting, the impact of all of this is sinking in and I realize the seriousness of it all.  When I go to the doctor for the littlest thing, they go overboard with the tests BECAUSE I HAD CANCER. When I go to get life insurance, I get denied BECAUSE I HAD CANCER.  People do overly nice things for me BECAUSE I HAD CANCER. Wow, this is kind of a serious matter.

The fog is lifted and I'm moving on. So now what? Well, now that I am past the imminent danger of dying (insert sarcastic tone), I have some decisions to make about my reconstruction (now for serious tone).  At first, bringing this up seemed trivial and unimportant and I didn't want people to think that this was a topic more serious than chemo, or losing fertility, or dealing with late stage cancer, but it does merit talking about because it affects the way a woman perceives herself for the rest of her life.  And when you've lived your entire life having body image issues anyway, chopping off the 2 things that define your femininity, at least symbolically, is of a serious psychological matter.  <Please know that I am only speaking for me and don't pretend to represent the whole female race>.  Women who have survived breast cancer run the spectrum of opinions on this.  Well, unfortunately, my reconstruction, having been done a two separate times, didn't quite leave me satisfied....at all.  Going into it with no big expectation anyway, my hope was that they would at least be even.  I can live with the scars.  I consider those battle wounds.  What I was left with was a not so bad Kim, but a very scar-tissued Kourtney. And very uneven.  Like, not a little bit, but a LOT.  My plastic surgeon wants to wait until March to make sure Kim doesn't do what Kourtney did- form too much scar tissue.  If I so choose, he will go in and break up the scar tissue, which will hopefully make them even up a little. Having already had 4 surgeries since June 2011, the thought of another one is agonizing. The 3rd year of meeting my out-of-pocket maximum on my insurance, and the 3rd year of having to take time off work to recover.  For what?  An inch or two of vanity?  That sounds INSANE! I know it must sound ridiculous to everyone.  I haven't made my decision yet on whether I will go through with it.  But I know me and I have to look at it everyday.  The question remains, is it worth it?  The time, the money, the vanity? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't struggling with deciding.

Me, receiving an award at Parkview Hospital from INC's
Melissa Long

The comment thingy doesn't work half the time, so if you want to contact me, you can do so at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.  I love feedback and opinions! Fire away! And I love to tweet so if you are on twitter, please follow me at @amysmith70.