Monday, December 10, 2012

How to Keep Cancer Away? BEETS ME!

 

It has been almost a year since my second diagnosis.  Life is pretty good and I'm well on my way to normality again. A new chapter begins!

Chapter 6: Cancer survivor. Case closed, end of story?  Or cursed with constantly wondering if/when it will return.  I fall somewhere in the middle, but I definitely don't feel cursed.  In fact, although it seems morbid to those who have never faced a serious illness, I am actually a little relieved to have that horrible dx out of the way in my life.  Don't take that the wrong way- any actuary will give you the statistics (I know this all too well, because of life insurance denials) and although my Oncotype Scores say the chance of recurrence is low, the fact remains that I had bi-lateral breast cancer.  Twice in one year I was told I had cancer. It's about the worst thing you could ever hear. And I was told twice. I want to hear that diagnosis again right around...NEVER, so I am doing everything in my (will)power to keep it from coming back.

(Will)power, because I'm really trying makes some serious dietary changes and that means cutting out a lot of the really bad food I was eating, mostly processed sugar and refined flour. Cancer feeds on sugar. The German biologist Otto Heinrich Warburg won a Nobel Prize for his discovery that the metabolism of malignant tumours is largely dependent on glucose consumption. Insulin production triggers inflammation. Those who eat low-sugar Asian diets tend to have five to ten times fewer hormonally driven cancers than those with diets high in sugar and refined foods.  If you want to protect yourself from cancer, you should reduce your consumption of processed sugar and bleached flour.
Dr. David Servan-Schreiber, who wrote, Anticancer: A New Way of Life, said, "It is up to us to use our body's natural defenses."  In his book (a must-read), he talks of superfoods.  Here are some cancer-fighting super-foods which contain precious anti-cancer molecules: 


green teaGREEN TEA
Rich in polyphenols that reduce the growth of the new blood vessels needed for tumour growth, green tea is also a powerful antioxidant and activates mechanisms in the liver which help to eliminate cancerous toxins from the body more rapidly. In mice it has been shown to block the effects of chemical carcinogens responsible for breast, lung, oesophageal, stomach and colon cancer.


TURMERIC
The most powerful natural anti-inflammatory identified today. In the laboratory it enhances the effectiveness of chemotherapy and reduces tumour growth. To be assimilated by the body turmeric needs to be mixed with black pepper and, ideally, it should be dissolved in oil.


GARLIC, ONIONS, LEEKS, SHALLOTS and CHIVES
These all help to regulate blood sugar levels, which in turn reduces insulin secretion and thus the growth of cancer cells. They promote the death of cancer cells in colon, breast, lung and prostate cancer.


MUSHROOMS
Shiitake, crimini, portabello and oyster mushrooms stimulate the reproduction and activity of immune cells. They are often used in Japan as a complement to chemotherapy to support the immune system.
 
CRUCIFEROUS VEGETABLES
Cabbages, sprouts, broccoli and cauliflower contain powerful anti-cancer molecules. But boiling will destroy them — steam briefly or stir-fry rapidly in a little olive oil.
 
FRUITS AND VEGETABLES RICH IN CAROTENOIDS
Carrots, yams, sweet potatoes, squash, tomatoes, apricots, beets and all the brightly coloured fruits and vegetables contain vitamin A and lycopene, which have the proven capacity to inhibit the growth of particularly aggressive cancers.

herbs
HERBS AND SPICES
Rosemary, thyme, oregano, basil and mint are rich in essential oils of the tarpene family which reduce the spread of cancer cells by blocking the enzymes they need to invade neighbouring tissues.

CITRUS FRUIT
Oranges, tangerines, lemons and grapefruit contain anti-inflammatory flavonoids which are also present in the skin. So buy organic, unwaxed citrus fruit and add the zest to salad dressing or steep the skins in hot water or tea.




Beet Carnage

I'm not a breakfast eater, so every morning I make a juice concoction with 1 large beet, 2 kiwis, 1 orange, and an apple. I always say, "a beet a day keeps the cancer away."  (All those other fruits I mentioned are added to take away the dirty, beety taste). 

Stay tuned for Lent!  I'm thinking about 40 days of a Vegan diet as my sacrifice.  And you guessed it....I'll blog about it!  It'll be a true challenge, especially with my travel schedule during that time.  BTW, my very concerned and caring friend, Judi, pointed out that Guinness is NOT Vegan :0

In the meantime, my "wtf" attitude is still in full force.  Although responsibilities (lots of them....LOTS of them) preclude me from an EAT PRAY LOVE scenario...damn that Julia Roberts...I still try to find a little time for myself everyday.  Selfishly, that happens oftentimes to the detriment of my poor kids who are forced to fend for themselves while 'mommy can run' or 'mommy can go to the gym.'  Too often women put everyone else's needs ahead of their own. I am very lucky that that my breast cancer dx forced me to wake up and put me first.  My kids need their mentally and physically-well Mama!   

I'd love to hear your thoughts on a Vegan diet, dietary tips, or anything else you'd like to share! Email me at amymariesmith93@gmail.com .  Follow me on Twitter @amysmith70.




Wednesday, September 5, 2012

GLAD to be...Cancer Free!

.It's been a little over a month since my last surgery.  Although the constant stream of follow-up appointments with the oncologist, more MRIs, and plastic surgery appointments are making it impossible to completely put the thought of cancer behind me, I can finally look forward to life changes and events without the shadow of the next surgery or scan lurking. And I do!  There is no time to worry about what may happen months and years from now.  I saw a quote recently from Benjamin Franklin that I loved.  It read, "Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen.  Keep in the sunlight." 
 
Well, I'm staying in the sunlight!  Not every day is easy, but it's always an adventure, especially raising three precocious 'tweeners, but I really try to be GLAD for every day. How am I managing post-cancer, you ask?  I'm GLAD you asked :)
 
God
I'm not always perfect (SHOCKER!) but I try to keep God at the center of my life. It's not always easy- I was pretty pissed off at Him for a while.  I gave up years ago trying to map and figure out my life.  Oh, I made plans. But God laughed!  So bring it on- I think I've proven that I can take whatever is thrown my way.
 
Get down with these other "G" words: Guinness, Girlfriends, Grandparents, Guitars
 
Live!
Don't wait until you are retired to take the trip, take the trip now!  There is no guarantee of tomorrow.  Be sensible, but treat yourself once in a while.  Buy the Uggs, or the designer dress. Don't wait until the braces are off your kids' teeth, or wait until the kids are out of college, splurge once in a while.  You are smart enough to balance sensibility and fun.  Complacency is killer!  Don't settle for a mundane or unhappy life- you deserve better.
 
I like these "L" words too:  Love, Leisure, Las Vegas, Lakes, Lizzy
 
Advocate
Some people are private, some people like to share their experiences, then there's ME! Having gone through so many trials (rare high-risk twin pregnancy, divorce, cancer, working single-motherhood) I feel like I have some sort of obligation to help others and I embrace this role.  I don't have all the answers and I've needed help of my own along the way for sure, but I feel that God puts people in our lives for an exact reason- there are no such thing as coincidences.  There are those that I wonder why on earth they were put in my life, and those who I know exactly why they were put here!
 
All rise for these "A" words: America, All-Terrain Wheelchairs, Angola, Amy (me!), mAria, mAtt
 
Dream
Ray Charles said, "Dreams, if they are any good, are a little bit crazy." Well, I have some crazy-ass dreams.  Whether it be dreams about Mr. Right, a better career, achieving success, or a new place to live, dreams are what keep us hopeful.  So dream on, people!
 
Damn, these "D" words are delightful too:  Dudes, Dating, Dogs, Determination (that sounded more like a stream of thought or word association, huh?!)
 
 
I want to share a recent pic of my bestest college girlfriends from St. Mary's. We were determined to make a girls trip to Vegas happen and we did.  So for one fun weekend, we left behind all of our kids and obligations and had a blast in Las Vegas.  WOW!  These girlfriends of mine in the picture are some intelligent, fun, successful, and beautiful CHICAS!
 
 
 
L-R: Beth Larimer LaPrade, Buffalo, NY; Kelly Marozas Turula, Chicago, IL; Suzanne Schaffler Bautch, Garden City, NY; Laura Hanson Louder, Wilmington, DE; Julie Lynch, Charleston, SC; Amy Smith Wheeler, Angola, IN; Tricia Penny Pirone, Portland, ME; Robin Deal Clements, Birmingham, MI; Ellen Leonard, San Diego, CA; MISSING FROM PIC: Sarah Johnson Collyge, Bentonville, AR

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Warrior Weary

Me & one of my best life-long friends, Lori, who lost her
 sister to breast cancer at too young of an age.
"I don't want to scold you, but don't let Tamoxifen be an excuse to eat a lot."  This is what my Oncologist said to me at my last appointment.  Seriously?  You are going to pick on a poor bi-lateral breast cancer survivor for gaining weight??  I LOVE HER!  It's about time someone pointed out what was obvious to me.  I knew it would be a bad weigh-in so I closed my eyes and instructed the nurse not to tell me the damage when I stepped on the scale. There went the honeymoon period. Time to get to work.  This 5'1" frame can't afford even a 10 lb weight gain and expect to fit into the clothes in the closet.  So I'm working out almost every day and trying to eat a lot better, although there are times I'm so famished I can hardly stand it (Tamoxifen side-effect).  I promised her a better scale number the next time I see her in September.  She also ordered another MRI on my abdomen, to see whether the incidental lesion found on my liver has grown at all.  Although the PET scan I had in January showed it to be non-cancerous, it could still be a matter of concern if it grows.  Unfortunately, because of this DAMNED tissue expander that is still in my body, I cannot have the MRI yet because of the magnetic port on the expander.  The last thing we'd need is a reverse impalement with my port shooting out of my bosom.  It looks like this MRI will likely take place in August as soon as I'm feeling well enough following my implant surgery on July 31.  Again...timeline too slow for this impatient girl.

We all have our battles to fight in life.  Now that I'm awaiting my final implant surgery, I have finally grown very "warrior" weary of all that has taken place since May 16, 2011.  I'm tired of the doctor's offices, tired of the insurance battles, tired of the driving, and even tired of all the pink. There is a feeling of isolation that I can't put my finger on, a feeling of not belonging to a category, group or demographic. Most of you are thinking, "but Amy, you belong in a class of your own!" (HAHA!!) Well, I'm here to tell ya, I just want to be normal and lead a normal life, but life doesn't seem to be leading me that way for some reason! It is a very difficult thing to pinpoint and explain.  At my last show, there was a mastectomy bra booth that I visited and all the women there had 20 years on me.  The sympathetic eyes and questions caught me off-guard.  And the "you went through this alone" comments! I was hardly alone.  I don't think anyone could have had more people by her side.  Yet, yes, I get their sympathy because I do feel alone. Weirdly. 



Living on the lake all summer, wearing a bathing suit the entire weekend is not uncommon for me.  This summer, I find myself completely jealous of all the women, young and old, who have their own boobs...whether they are small, big, saggy, or whatever, at least they have them!  As much as mine may "appear" to look good in a bikini, they are actually hard, cold, scarred, and lifeless.  Space-fillers.  That's what I call them!  None of my friends get this.  I am extremely thankful for my oncology surgeon who rid me of cancer, and for the plastic surgeon doing his best to make it all look better, don't get me wrong.  I guess I'm just experiencing bitterness that I had to get breast cancer in the first place. 

For being very happy and blessed, that was kind of a downer blog entry- SORRY!  I am actually doing very well.  I'm anxious for July 31, and I think I might throw up when I walk in that place- it brings back the most horrible memories of one of the worst days of my life getting the news that I had another malignant tumor in my other breast.  But I only have two boobs, thank God, so I'm sure all will go well this time around!

For all you newbies reading my blog, the comment box doesn't work most of the time, but please feel free to leave feedback at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.  And follow me on Twitter, please!  @amysmith70.



Tuesday, May 15, 2012

One Really Crappy Year, DOWN!

A dear friend of mine came out to see me after my second mastectomy and we watched a bunch of movies, one of them being, "Crazy Stupid Love."   Remember the part where Steve Carell's co-worker heard him crying in the bathroom and they were all sure he had cancer?  It turned out it was just divorce.  I looked at my friend and she looked at me.  It occurred to me then, man, I've gone through both of those things in 2 years time.  I'm so used to bad stuff happening lately, devastating stuff,  that the littlest good things now seem incredible to me!  I just want to tell everyone that even in the darkest times of your life, you have to hold out for another day- it will get better!  But that doesn't mean I get a little nervous about looking too far into the future...

It's been one year since my first breast cancer diagnosis.  Although the newness of being the "survivor" instead of the "fighter" is waning, the realization of what it means to have had cancer is starting to rear its ugly head.  Just one example, is that I naively applied for life insurance through my employer during open enrollment, and received the "are you serious?" letter from Anthem.  *DENIED*.  I guess in a weird sort of way, I still think the rules don't apply to me somehow. I have all the confidence in the world I'll never have a recurrence, but the underwriters and their equations believe otherwise.

But then I started to really think about it.  These underwriters don't know that I've seen three oncologists who all agree that my recurrence rate is low...that the Oncotype DX test says so; that I've been to a new GYN who has survived cancer herself and believes in preventative care to keep cancer away for good, hooking me up with all kinds of way too expensive supplements (will discuss in another blog entry, for sure); that I tested negative for the BRCA genetic testing; that I workout like a mad woman; and that I've really been trying to cut out the bad foods that breed inflammation and cancer cells.  (Well, ok, I'm not doing so hot with that last one, but I'm trying!)   No, the application process simply asked for surgeries, medications, and diagnoses.  "Breast cancer" was the buzzword, and the rubber stamp of disapproval was laid upon me with no questions asked.

As for what's going on with me physically at this point- I am in the waiting and stretching phase of my reconstruction for "Kourtney."  A strange calm has come over me.  I was SO impatient during this phase the first time around.  Now, I find myself forgetting that I need to keep my calendar open in July for my second implant surgery!  I guess I've been through so much that this seems like an afterthought.


From a medication standpoint, it's been a few months now that I've been on Tamoxifen.  Tamoxifen is an estrogen blocker that I have to be on for the next 5 years.  I don't doubt the effectiveness of this drug, but the side-effects are kicking my butt!  The least favorite being the weight gain. The night sweats aren't much fun either.  I complain a lot about the side-effects, but then I realize that it beats the hell out of chemo!

I've also come to embrace the advocate role that my diagnosis has created.  I've had close friends call me very worried about their mammogram "call backs."  I've had women, young, old, and middle-aged contact me for advice when the news wasn't good.  I love and embrace this responsibility!  And let's face it, unfortunately, 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. Information is power.  Without the advice I received from Kathy C, Darcy K, Carol B, Heidi F, Amy P, and Hollye H, I never would be where I am now.

I welcome any and all comments, encouragement, feedback, advice, etc.! The 'comment' box on this blog isn't very reliable, so feel free to send me an email at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.  And please follow me on Twitter @amysmith70.





Monday, April 2, 2012

HIPAA Laws Not Applicable to the TSA

Dr. Shambaugh, Me, & Paula :)
I have to start by saying that someone I know, a co-worker...(ok, it was Rick), told me a while back that he wasn't reading my blog because there weren't enough pictures and it was too long!  So that's why you have been seeing a lot of photos in my entries.   As for the length of my posts....I'm wordy- what can I say.

Most of you probably saw my Facebook post that my Oncotype DX testing came back. This test was launched in the United States in 2004.  It is a diagnostic test that helps breast and colon cancer patients and their doctors determine whether chemotherapy should be included in their treatment plan and also indicates how likely the cancer is to return in the future.  The criteria for breast cancer patients to use this test is that the cancer is early-stage and estrogen receptor positive, both of which applied to me.  A sample of the tumor is sent to the company that developed this test, Genomic Health. It looks at a group of 21 genes within a woman’s tumor sample—16 cancer genes and 5 control genes—to see how they are expressed, or how active they are. The results of the test are reported as a quantitative Recurrence Score® result, which is a score between 0 and 100 that correlates with the likelihood of having the cancer return, and the likelihood that the patient will benefit from adding chemotherapy to hormonal therapy. 

Dr. Agerwaal (my second-opinion Oncologist) explained to me that in the clinical trials that have been done, it was determined that the women who score in the low range typically derive no benefit to chemotherapy.  On the other hand, women in the high end of the scale received great benefit from chemo.  However, Dr. Agerwaal cautioned me that the clinical trials are only now wrapping up on the women who score in the middle, and that there isn't sufficient data to see where these women fit in the picture.  SHE recommended that if I were to score in the middle range that chemo would be my best option.

A week later, my first Oncologist called me to tell me that I scored a 5!  She said that they hardly ever see a score that low.  I'm thinking I scored a zero and they are just covering their asses!  This piece of great news was such a relief.  Having been told early on by my surgeon that I would most likely need chemo, I had prepared myself for a long summer and fall.  What a blessing that this technology and testing is around for women like me who even 10 years ago would have been automatically given chemo unnecessarily.

My friend, Lori & I at Oak Mountain Winery in Temecula, CA
Kourtney update:  I saw Dr. S (pictured above!) and told him that I wouldn't be in the following week for my fill-in because I would be in Los Angeles.  And he was going to be out the following week, so I convinced him to add 100cc's to my expander instead of the usual 50!!  For those of you who regularly read my blog, you know this is a huge deal....that I could talk Dr. S in to deviating from HIS timeline. I'm so proud of my persuasive ways.  I will say...adding 100 cc's was painful but there was no way I was going to show any discomfort or he would have stopped.  My appointment was two weeks ago and it is still painful.  I should only need 50cc's more added and I'll be at my desired size. I'm dreading the 4th surgery in a year's time, but there will be follow-up procedures (fat-grafting, nipples) that need to be performed yet, and I really need all of this done by year's end for insurance purposes. 

Speaking of my expander....on my way back from LA, the TSA stopped me after I went through the machine at security at LAX.  The TSA agent asked (very loudly), "what is in your bra?"  Now, I'm not shy and I'm obviously open about my breast cancer, but did the whole line of travellers grabbing their belongings out of their containers really need to hear my business??  I told her that it was a surgically-placed tissue expander and that it is used for reconstruction after a mastectomy.  She then told me that she needed to inspect me and without offering me a "privacy area" quickly "felt me up" on my right side and also checked my hands for residue! Nice!  I've flown about 4 or 5 times with an expander and never had an issue.  I can't wait to tell Dr. S, because early-on I had asked him about this, and he said he had never heard of anyone having an issue.  Leave it to me to be the first!!

To leave me feedback, comments, opinions, or love, email me at amymariesmith93@gmail.com .  You can try the comment box but it is still a little quirky. 

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Barbie Boobies

Face Timing the Kids from Canada- thank God for iPhones!
Things are progressing well with the reconstruction phase (phase? it's been non-stop since last July!) of my post-breast cancer diagnoses. After having incision issues again, I returned back to Dr. S today and resumed the fill-in process.  Many people are intrigued by this "fill-in" process and ask me all the time how it works.  And I'm sure there are many of you out there (mostly dudes) who are too embarrassed to ask.  But good for those of you who do ask me!  You know I'll share, don't you?

I chose two-stage reconstruction.  At the time of my mastectomy, a tissue expander, which is like a balloon, was put under my skin and chest muscle. Through a tiny valve under the skin, the surgeon injects a saline solution at regular intervals to fill the expander over time.  In my case, I go every week for "fill-ins."  Dr. S finds the port with a magnet and marks it with a pen.  Then he sticks me with a BIG ASS needle and injects the saline.  {For those of you who know about my Pulp Fiction obsession, I think of Mia Wallace every time he marks me with a marker on my chest!}. He puts in 50ccs at a time at the max. I barely feel the needle- I don't have much feeling.  However, when the saline goes in, I can feel pressure against my chest and for the most part, it is temporary and not too painful.  The last fill-in I had with Kim (my first experience with BC on my left side), it hurt for a few weeks.  I definitely think I was stretching my limit, and I knew that was enough. Once the desired size is chosen, Dr. S requires we wait 8 weeks for the skin to properly stretch.  There are different time-lines for different surgeons.  I have a friend whose Dr. gave her 100ccs at a time and put the implants in a couple of weeks later.  But then again, we all know about my conservative surgeon.  Once the 8 weeks is over and everything looks good, Dr. S will perform the "swap" of the expander for the implant. I chose silicone implants on Dr. S's recommendation and I am happy with the decision.  For me, the saline implants didn't feel as "real" and there is more of a risk that they'll "fall." Of course, there are risks with the silicone implants. A rupture can cause a slow leak.  But these implants have come a long way and the last thing I'm worried about after having cancer, is my implant rupturing!  The surgery recovery itself, the first time around, was a cake-walk for me. My skin must have been perfectly stretched out, because I had virtually no pain whatsoever. I pray that this is the case for my right side.



So you would think that the implants are in and that's the end of the story, huh?  NOT SO.  At this point, I look like this (minus the blond hair and skinny arms):

Yes, that's right, no nipples or areolas, just nice mastectomy scars in the middle of my lady lumps. Well, let's give a big ol' HELL YEAH for plastic surgeons, because there is work to be done!

For one, there is no breast tissue, only an implant, so it's typical for dimples, rippling, etc to occur.  In this case, Dr. S will perform lipo or local fat extraction - wherever I choose (BONUS) and inject that fat into the dimply spots on my breasts to "round them out."  In fact, I do have a couple of spots on Kim where some work needs done, but he's obviously going to wait until Kourtney is done to do anything. 

Once that is done, the nipples will be constructed and areolas will be tattooed (yes, tattooed).  Crazy!  I will say, the thought of not getting nipples has crossed my mind.  I would never need a bra! Just like Barbie, in clothes, I'll look freakin' fantastic, but underneath the clothes?  I know men are pretty simple creatures, but I'm not sure how this would fly with most dudes and one of these days, I might, MIGHT be in an actual relationship (?!?!)  I'm a pretty confident person, but I've suffered with body issues my whole life.  At this point, I feel like a cosmic joke has been placed on me with all of this.  My thought is I'll treat it like I do my "twin skin" and stretch marks from pregnancy....battle scars to remind me what is and what is not important in life.  Placing emphasis on the fact I've survived breast cancer helps me with the fact that a lot of my feminine identity has been stolen from me.  But it still sucks.  A lot.  No matter how "perfect" a plastic surgeon can make them look, the fact is that mine are gone and these are just a mere substitution to get me through the vanity of our society. 

Again, I'm sorry for the comment box not working for most of you.  To leave me feedback or whatever else regarding this post, please feel free to email me at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.  I love reading your thoughts and opinions!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Suddenly, I Can See a Light

Me and My Mom who takes such good care of me!
"All set, let's jet!"  That was the last thing my new Oncologist, Dr. Anna Maria Storniolo said to me as I left her office today.  What a far cry from my former Oncologist who was...ahem...inappropriate and come to find out, addicted to meth!  The Indiana University Simon Cancer Center is quite a facility. My Mom and I were laughing as we watched all the hot, young, new "white-coats" walk by...it was like Seattle Grace!  Before I saw AMS (these are Dr. Storniolo's initials....same as mine....I'm weird about coincidences), I saw Dr. Satpute, who was on a Fellowship w/AMS and he went over my last year's worth of records to get everything straight.  I knew it would be confusing to get 90 pages of my cancer history over a fax so I got him up to speed.  He went over everything with me, but he stated that I could ask him questions, and ask her the same questions again, whatever made me comfortable.  I thought this was a great opportunity to get a second opinion in one appointment.  Interestingly enough, he did have different opinions about a couple of things (Lymphedema risk, and OncoType DX testing).  Because of the Stage 1 scenario, he definitely recommended a test called OncoType DX.  This test assesses the likelihood of recurrence in early-stage cancer with E+ tumor.  The test analyzes a panel of 21 genes within a tumor to determine the likelihood of recurrence and whether there would be a benefit to chemotherapy. I asked him additional questions about this test and some other questions too.  He was patient, kind, and explained things very well.

After Dr. Satpute finished up, AMS came in- WOW- she was such an engaging, enthusiastic, and informative doctor. First and foremost, she told me that she would not have done anything differently on how I decided to treat my cancer or how my Doctors approached my cancer. She told me that biologically, my scenario couldn't be better, as far as my tumor goes.  It was highly Estrogen and Progesterone receptive, HER2 negative, and was very low grade.  So low grade, in fact, that she said that it has probably been slow-growing for 10-12 years!  I asked her about the discrepancy in the HER2 tests and she said that they fight with pathologists all the time to just do away with the stain test (IHC) and just do the FISH test to determine the HER2 status.  It is the most accurate and she assured me that the tumor was indeed HER2 negative and to be sure of that.  Because of the early stage and great pathology, she recommended NO chemo and to stay on the Tamoxifen for 5 years.  Having gone through the whole OncoType DX testing stuff with the other Dr., I inquired about doing that testing and she said if I wanted "that number to hang my hat on" that I should do it for peace of mind, but that she didn't foresee an outcome that would mean I'd need additional treatment.  Being the worry-wart and nervous-nelly that I am, I told her to order the test and that I NEEDED TO KNOW FOR SURE!  Another test, more waiting, blah blah blah, I'm used to it all by now. She was truly fascinated by my case and told me that I had "old lady" cancer in a young person's body (which is a good thing). Having had Dr. Y tell me chemo was most likely in my future, all of my other questions for her pertained to just that. I'm 95% out of the woods on chemo.  Fingers/toes crossed.  I follow up with her in 3 weeks.

Another baffling issue with all of this.....the differing opinions about Lymphedema.  My God, can we get a consensus on this???  I've asked every one of my doctors and everyone has different opinions about whether I'm really at risk or not.  I've only had sentinel nodes removed, but even that carries risks.  All I can say is that I'm a firm believer that I have to be my own advocate for this and go with my gut.  What is the big effin' deal about getting my blood pressure taken on my leg if it means eliminating the risk at all?  So although I might go as far as doing just that, getting my BP taken from my leg, I may forgo the compression arm sleeves when I fly.

(KOURTNEY UPDATE): Mom and I cruised north to Fort Wayne in time for my "weekly" plastic surgeon appointment with Dr. S (suddenly I have 3 Dr. S's!!).  Having issues with my incision with my last mastectomy, I really tried to be careful this time and not take off my steri-strips until they just fell off in the shower.  Well, they did over the weekend and when I held the mirror up to take a looksy I said, "oh, fu**."  Only I didn't say fudge.  Lots of blistery spots that I remembered from the last go-around, only this time it looked worse.  I knew there was no fill-in in my future for probably the next 2 weeks and of course, I was correct (Dr. S is so predictable).  He said that it would be ok, and that it isn't infected so that's good.  I said to him, "So, can I run yet?"  He said, "Yes, but take it easy!"  I said, "I'm going to Vancouver next week, can I snowboard? (trying to keep a straight face)"  He doubled over laughing.  :(  BOOOO!  I know I was pressing my luck, but I had to ask.   Nothing spells disaster like an out-of-shape former bi-lateral breast cancer patient rupturing an implant in a foreign country.  Ok, I guess I'll concede that one.

Next up....my first work trip since surgery.  Vancouver next week.  I can't wait to see my industry friends and personally hug them for all of their well-wishes and cards from afar.  Going through cancer and everything that goes with it, has sure given me a new perspective on things. What a blessing!

As always, feel free to email me at amymariesmith93@gmail.com with anything, really.  If you have an opinion/experience with Lymphedema, I'd love to hear it.  If you want to share your opinion about the Keystone Pipeline, that's fine too :)  I just love a full mailbox.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Rollercoaster Days...Enjoying Today's Ride!

Someone once told me that the worst part about breast cancer is the constant rollercoaster ride of news and emotions.  I can completely relate to that statement.   It's only 10:30am, but I've gone from warning my friend Kathleen about my anticipated meltdown at the plastic surgeon's office (I could even hear the trembling in my own voice on the way down), to having the best appointment EVER!  Kathleen picked me up early, we had snow overnight, and Mom stayed back to take the kids to school because they had a school delay.  I've been to Dr. S's office 19 times now, and I was prepared to go postal if he refused to take my drain out.  He is very conservative and does things on his own timeline....although I appreciate this in an intellectual way, I still get angry that he won't do what I want.  Paula came in (his nurse, whom I love), and brought in with her the familiar-looking syringe and bags of saline.  Is it possible?  Really POSSIBLE that he might, not only take out my drain, but do a saline fill-in into my expander too?  No way.  Having problems with my incision after my surgery in July, they teased me with the saline at 5 appointments until he finally started the fill-ins back in August.  Enter Dr. S.  He yanked the drain out (yes, that's how it's done- count to 3 and think about the 2-hour shower you are about to take when you get home).  Then he said he wants to get going on adding fluid to the expander.  {Who are you, and what did you do with Dr. Shambaugh?}  Feeling lucky, I decided to press my luck even further and told him instead of his "maximum" 50ccs that he normally adds, to go ahead and put in 100cc's...I can take the pain!  But then he went back to conservative Dr. S and said 'no.'  He wasn't privy to my pathology so I filled him in on that and asked about where reconstruction fits in to the timeline in relation to chemo.  He said that typically he proceeds with the fill-ins as usual, unless the patient isn't up for it, or their levels are low- it's very subjective.  Since I currently have one voluptuous C-cup and one flat spot, this news was glorious to me.  I can deal with being a little bit uneven for the time being, but now, at least aesthetically, I'll look ok in clothes. This all sounds so vain, I realize, but it's a silver lining that I wasn't even expecting, for sure.

At this point, I told Kathleen that she had to come to all of my appointments...she's good luck!

We walked a short jaunt over to Dr. Yahanda's office, because I needed to sign off on my records to have them sent to IU Med Center (hold that thought....).  I thought while I was there, I'd see if my pathology results were back on my HER2 status.  My original pathology report stated that my HER2 status was "borderline" and when that happens, it must be re-tested using another test called FISH.  Dr. Y's nurse said that the pathology report was back, but that he was out this week and hasn't reviewed it.  The Offensive Line of the Giants couldn't have kept me from leaving that office without my results!  Even if it looked like Greek, I was going to take that report and I'd find someone who could read it. Well, it wasn't all that difficult to decipher, and both Kathleen and I both read it and came to the same conclusion....that my cancer was HER2 NEGATIVE.  The ratio was well below the normal range, almost making me wonder why there was a question at all?  Something to discuss with my new Oncologist....which brings me to more news.

I made the decision to take my case down to Indiana University Simon Cancer Center in Indianapolis.  They are one of the best cancer centers in the US.  Lance Armstrong praised IU for the care he received there when he battled cancer. Yes, the 2 1/2 hour drive to Indy will be a pain, but I know in the end, that it'll be worth it to have cutting edge care and who knows, maybe even part of a clinical trial which would be a great way to pay it forward in a small way.  My appointment is Feb. 28.

In other news, I'm back to work tomorrow.  Pain-wise, I feel ok, but I'm not sleeping well at all and this is my only concern about returning to work.  Not being able to sleep in any other position but flat on my back makes my back hurt by 3am, and usually I'm up for the duration after that. Once I'm completely healed, I'm sure with the help of Brad Pitt (my body pillow purchased back in 1998 when I was prego with Matt), I'll be able to sleep much more comfortably.

Please email me with comments, suggestions, stories, encouragement, and love at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Good News....But Battle is Not Over

 Dr. Yahanda gave me the results of my pathology today.   

T1N0M0

This means:
(T) 1, meaning (t)umor, size-wise, is Stage 1 *
(N) 0, meaning no spreading into my lymph (n)odes
(M) 0, meaning no (m)etastasis

*I asterisk'd this one, because the exact size of my tumor is unknown because they still need to "piece" together the part of the tumor my plastic surgeon took out when he came across it during reconstruction with the tumor taken out during my mastectomy.  The pathology report states that the size of the tumor taken out during my mastectomy was 1.8 cm in greatest dimension.

The tumor was highly progesterone and estrogen receptive (a good thing).

All margins were clean of cancer cells.

Then he told me about my HER2 status. 

HER2-positive breast cancer is a breast cancer that tests positive for a protein called human epidermal growth factor receptor 2 (HER2), which promotes the growth of cancer cells. In about 1 of every 5 breast cancers, the cancer cells make an excess of HER2 due to a gene mutation. This gene mutation and the elevated levels of HER2 that it causes can occur in many types of cancer.  HER2-positive breast cancers tend to be more aggressive than other types of breast cancer. They're also less responsive to hormone treatment. However, treatments that specifically target HER2 are very effective, and have become available in the last few years.

My pathology report stated that the HER2 tested 2+ by the IHC test (ImmunoHistoChemistry) which is performed in initial pathology.  2+ means borderline.  Therefore, it must be re-tested using FISH (Flourescence In Situ Hybridization) and this test will verify if indeed my tumor is HER2 positive or negative.
If the HER2 status is positive, then chemo will undoubtedly be in my future, along with treatment involving the drug Herceptin (thank GOD for this drug, but GEEEZ, side-effects look horrible).

At this point in my appointment, I thought, well, maybe there is a chance that this new test will reveal the tumor is HER2 negative, in which case, would make it the best possible outcome of my pathology. 

And that is still possible. However, my heart sank when Dr. Y told me that even if it is HER2 negative, given my younger age and size of the tumor, chemo is usually always recommended as the standard course of treatment.

All of this will be evaluated by my oncologist.  WAIT!  That's right, I don't haaaaave an oncologist, because mine was busted for meth.  And guess what?  I found out the one I finally decided on isn't taking new patients.  And I can't get in to see my next choice of oncologist until March 15!  I'm going to do some more oncologist research.  I guess if I have to travel a little further for treatment, but get in faster, then I may do that, but that just adds to the burden of more time off work, away from kids, etc.

Cancer is fucking bullshit- there I said it.  I'm so over it already.  It's gone from my body, but it's still completely disrupting my life.

As far as my recovery, I am still experiencing some pain, but I'm slowly weaning off my pain meds. Every day gets a little better.  I saw Dr. S (plastic surgeon) and my incision looks good (well, it looks good to him- to me, it looks frankensteinish).  Because this incision is so close to the one he made during reconstruction, we need to closely monitor the blood flow between these two incisions.  He only took out one drain tube, which puts me no closer to the shower I desperately need!  I'm sure that once my incision is healed, and my drain is out, all of my visits to Dr. S will come to a halt for a while until my treatment is well over.

My cancer has not spread!  I am extremely lucky that this was all caught, maybe not as early as it should have been, but early nonetheless.  As much as I dread the thought of chemotherapy, if that is what it takes to make sure cancer stays away for good, then I guess I'll just have to deal.

Comments, pep-talks, and stories encouraged at amymariesmith93@gmail.com

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Recovery Road

It's Super Bowl Sunday and normally I'd be conjuring up dips and platters and all kinds of yummy treats for the big game.  This is no ordinary Super Bowl Sunday....I'm still a little nauseous and tired and sore from Tuesday's surgery.  Although I feel a little better in terms of pain, I'm not nearly ready to be weened off the pain meds quite yet.  And afraid to become more "backed up" and having absolutely NO appetite, I haven't been eating too much and I've probably lost around 6 lbs already.  Once I go off the pain meds and finish my antibiotic, I'm sure I'll be back to feeling better, unfortunately, it's all on a much slower time-line than the first time.

In addition to the pain, I'm dealing with extremely annoying itching all over my body.  In some spots, particularly around my bra line and close to my drain location, I have raised, red spots which I'm treating with double-strength hydrocortisone cream. You know how the itching works....if you aren't thinking about it, it's fine, but once you start thinking about it and start itching, you can't stop! 

Despite the more painful recovery, I do have some really good news in terms of my drain tubes!!  I am barely draining at all and my serous fluid is straw colored so I'm certain I'll be rid of these drains on Tuesday!  It is so bizarre to me how completely different this mastectomy was from the last.  I never saw straw-colored serous fluid the last time, it was always red, and I drained and drained and drained.  I certainly wasn't expecting this and consider it a massive silver lining!

I'm in pretty good spirits, to be honest. The reality of not having breasts and having a part of my identity taken away hasn't hit me fully, but I guess I'll face it when I'm up and lucid.  I look forward anxiously to my final pathology report and my upcoming appointments this week.  From there I can formulate a plan - a plan of treatment, recovery and major changes in how to find balance that my body is obviously lacking.  I'm excited for these changes- it's like a new beginning.  The problem is that I have no idea where to start! 

Mom and Aunt Sharon are taking great care of me!  And a special thanks to Kelly S for the huge bag of gifts and for taking my loving (but loud) daughters for the day and evening. 

As far as the Super Bowl...I'm proud to be from Indiana- they have hosted a great Super Bowl from what I hear!  I could really care less about either team, but being a Colts fan, there is no possible way I could be happy if the Pats won our turf.  Instead, I'm rooting for Madonna and good commercials!  As always, please feel free to send me a happy, fun, or sappy email at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Mastectomy, Part Deux

How about the irony that I'm writing this blog entry on Groundhog's Day?  Next verse, same as the first!  Kinda.  AND, I flipped through the movie channels this morning, and guess what was on?  SOUL SURFER!  (insert Twilight Zone music here)

Admittedly, I'm under the influence of pain meds right now, so hopefully I make sense.  This surgery site is much more painful than what I experienced with my other mastectomy last July.  The reason?  Dr. Y had to cut deeper into my pectoral muscle because he needed a wider safety margin.  It hurts to move and breathe.  Pain meds haven't really helped- they just make me sleepy.  I did switch pain meds this morning, so we'll see how that goes. 

The good news:  my Sentinal Node was tested during surgery and came back negative!  But when the node is tested during surgery they only take a couple of sections because of time constraints.  The node will be looked at more intensely at Pathology along with a lot of breast tissue that Dr. Y took out.  The final report will be done by next week.  Dr. Y says "rarely" does the pathology come back positive after testing negative in surgery, but "rarely" certainly doesn't apply to me, right?  So until next week, I won't rest easy quite yet.

Having suffered a lot of nausea after my last mastectomy, the anesthesiologist ordered a Scopolamine patch for me at my reconstruction surgery, and for this surgery too.  It worked for the nausea! YAY!  However, I can't see up close!  Both times I've had to wear my Mom's reading glasses to use my phone and laptop for about 72 hours after surgery.  {I'd like to know if any of you have suffered blurry vision from the Scopolamine patch}. Just to cover the bases, they did order Phenergen for nausea in the hospital so I could sleep. WOW, that stuff made me extremely woozy, I couldn't even form a sentence. My friend Joey, who spent the night with me at the hospital said I was hilarious-  I guess at one point when they asked me for my name and birthday, I gave them my address, then my social security number.  I couldn't come up with my birthday.  I have no recollection of any of that!

While I'm on the topic of my hospital stay, I want to give a huge shout-out to my friend Joey (Westfall) McGill, who spent the day and night with me at the hospital both times.  It gave me such comfort having her there.  Thanks so much, Jo!!!  Your positive outlook, faith, and sense of humor got me through the hospital stays.  And my rockstar Mom and my Aunt Sharon are taking such good care of me too, and I'm sure I'm not the easiest patient in the world.

Many have asked about how the kids are doing.  I may have the world's most amazing kids!  They are age 12, 11, and 11 for those who don't know them.  They are definitely worried about me, I can tell, and seeing me in pain is a little freaky for them, because I'm their rock.  Keeping the lines of communication open is the key- I encourage them to talk to me and I'm honest and up front with them always.  They will be better for all of this someday. 

Again, if you wish to email me because the comment box doesn't work, you can do so at amymariesmith93@gmail.com .   Also, follow me on Twitter at @amysmith70.  I love hearing from everyone! EVERYONE!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Arm-Chair Radiologist

Last night, I was digging through my "Breast Cancer" file, and I came across my mammography films from last April.  I convinced myself that I could examine these films and actually see the tumor that was "missed" or "not detected" on my right breast.  Setting up the brightest lamp I could find in the house, I propped my laptop up for Internet assistance, and stared for a half-hour at my right breast image as if I was a radiologist.  Maybe down the road, a second look at this mammography by an actual professional will be prudent, but honestly, in my arm-chair radiologist opinion, the machine "didn't press the right spot" or something.  There, how's that for a scientific explanation!? The other explanation I thought of was that it's probably clearly there in black and white, but the radiologist didn't bother looking at it because he was so fixated on the cancer in my left breast that he forgot to look at the right side.  To be honest, I feel a little foolish, after having sent countless "get your mammogram, it saved my life" Facebook posts- ironically, my mammogram only got it 50% correct and that's not good when you're talking about cancer!  Thank God I had reconstruction, or I'm not sure how long it would have gone undetected.  I realize that none of this is productive, I'm just so angry about all of this and I don't know how to get a grip on it.  Aside from the obvious inconvenience of being a busy working single mother that still has breast cancer, I have to eat up all of my vacation days again recovering from surgery, meet my deductible again, and incur another $6000 in out-of-pocket medical expenses again, all by the end of January!  {I know, I know, I'm lucky to have a job and insurance, yada yada yada (silver lining),}.  One thing is certain- cancer doesn't care who you are, how old you are, or how much savings you have!

The reality of my mastectomy surgery in two weeks is starting to sink in, but there are some lessons I learned from the last mastectomy surgery that will undoubtedly help me this time:

1.  DRAIN DRAMA.  Drains SUCK but I'll leave them in a lot longer this time around.  Drains are there for a reason and last time around, I convinced the Doc filling in for my Doc while on vacation, that it was fine to take them out.  As a result, the site had to be needle-drained 5 times.  I'm positive Dr. S, being so annoyingly conservative, would not have removed them that soon, had he been at that appointment.

2.  NIPPLE NIGHTMARE.  I will take something for relaxation before my sentinal node injection.  During this procedure, the radiologist injects needles into 4 spots around the nipple w/radioactive dye (ouch, SERIOUSLY) so that the surgeon can "map" the lymph nodes during surgery.  This, I'm dreading- I wish I didn't know what was coming.

3.  ALIEN PEE.  Nobody bothered to tell me that because of said nuclear dye mentioned above, that your pee turns blue.  I mean, BLUE.  I completely freaked out the first time I peed after surgery.  No surprises there this time.  Wouldn't you think a "heads up" would have been appropriate in that situation?

4.  ANESTHESIA LIGHTWEIGHT. In both surgeries, I had problems with anesthesia.  After the first surgery, I was very sick and nauseous. Guess what? Dry-heaving after a mastectomy is very painful.  At my reconstruction surgery, because of that, the anesthesiologist gave me a Scopolamine patch and it worked for the nausea, however, my vision was blurry for a couple of days. We still aren't sure what happened after the second surgery, as to why I had all the breathing problems.  That will be addressed too, I'm sure, this time around. 

5.  ITCHY STITCHIES. Reconstruction on my breast was delayed a couple of weeks because of incision issues.  I'm sure this is hit or miss, but I might start earlier on the Xeroform gauze anyway as a precaution.

6.  PILL HOARDING. This time around, I will say YES every single time any of my team of doctors/surgeons offers me pain medication!  I have taken only 5 Vicodin (pills, not bottles!) through this whole ordeal and I don't plan to have to take many this time around either, however, I think that just in case there is a holocaust or zombie apocalypse, I should start stock-piling immediately.  It is 2012, afterall...  JK! In all seriousness, I'm not a big fan of pain meds and luckily to this point, I haven't suffered too much pain.

7.  BUH-BYE, CHICKEN CUTLET.  I used that damn silicone insert to "even me out" after the last mastectomy and it was a gigantic pain in the ass.  Once, at the gym, I used it in my sports bra.  When I run outside, I don't bother with it, but being at the gym makes me a little self-conscious....well, I look down after my workout and my "chicken cutlet" was in the middle of my chest- it looked like I had 3 boobs (3 very uneven boobs)!  Nice.  I'm going to invest in a good post-mastectomy bra, or two, after this surgery.  None of my old bras fit anyway because Kim is bigger.  Should I need treatment after surgery, my reconstruction will be delayed anyway, so I might as well be comfortable.

8.  NOBODY LIKES MARTYRS.  Accept all help offered.

Just get here, January 31!  Let's get this cancer out once and for all and MOVE ON.  Everyone is sick of the drama and I've got some living to do. 

The stupid comment box is still wreaking havoc on some of you, so please feel free to email me with love mail, hate mail, funny mail, suggestions, comments, jokes, dirty jokes, encouragement, prayers, or whatever to amymariesmith93@gmail.com.  Thanks!





Monday, January 16, 2012

Confessions from a PET Scan Recliner & Arrest of Oncologist

Thanks, everyone for all the emails, texts, in-box messages, cards, and prayers!  On a daily basis I am in awe of the inspiration and love pouring in from everywhere.  What did I do to deserve all the love?!  I can't wait to pay it all forward when I'm back on track.

Last Thursday was the big PET Scan.  Hopefully, you'll never have circumstances that lead you to needing one, but if you do, it's really very mundane.  First, the tech takes you into a room, has you sit in a recliner, and hooks you up to an IV.  Then a person practically dressed in HAZMAT gear injects the radioactive dye into the IV (comforting!).  For 50 minutes you have to sit still in the recliner to let the FDG (glucose tracer) go through your body.  There is to be no moving around or getting up, or even reading.  In fact, the tech said most people sleep.  One would think with the lack of sleep I got the night before, this would be a welcome blessing, but unfortunately, I cannot ever sleep unless I'm laying flat.  This combined with my 'adult ADD' and anxiety, I am going crazy in that recliner.  My mind starts racing, and the more I try to relax, the more anxious I become.  At one point I start crying and I need a tissue but I'm afraid to reach for the Kleenex box- what if I'm moving too much?!  I can hear my phone buzzing but I don't dare reach for that either.  With about 5 minutes left, I notice there is a camera in the room- hahaha- I'm sure all that was all very attractive!  Finally, the tech takes you into the room for the test.  It's similar to an MRI machine but it's quiet and there is no holding your breath or instructions given, it just takes pictures. So the minute they strapped me onto that table I was OUT COLD.  Laying flat = half-hour nap = silver lining!

At 1:30 that afternoon, Dr. Y's nurse called me at work and she was very excited to tell me that my scan came back clear on my liver.  No FDG uptake was detected where the spot was located.  I called my Mom right away and yelled out of my office to everyone that the test came back clear.  Pretty sure I've never felt relief like that ever.  I was so excited that I didn't have Stage 4 cancer, that I forgot I had cancer at all!

Time to talk about the arrest of my Oncologist, Dr. Whalen.  He was arrested last week after leading police on a high-speed chase on I-69 in Fort Wayne.  He was found to be extremely incoherent, tried to resist officers, and was taken to the hospital because of his seemingly crazy behavior.  Blood tests found him to be under the influence of meth, marijuana, and amphetamines. 

{I've re-written this paragraph 4 times now.}  I've decided that I'm not going to go into detail on this blog about my one appointment with him.  This man obviously has some serious problems and I hope he gets the help he needs.  I had one appointment with Dr. Whalen back in early August shortly after my mastectomy.  Let's just say he did not conduct himself in a professional manner and I left the appointment very weirded out to say the least.  When I had a medication issue in December, I saw a different Oncologist.  I am shopping Oncologists and have already received some referrals- thanks!

"Kim" update to report:  When I shaved my left armpit today, I could feel it!  I just assumed there would never be feeling there because a lot of time has passed since my July mastectomy.  Ticklish again!

SPORTS DIGRESSION:  Hey, Packer Fans....we Colts fans know exactly how you feel.  How many times did the Colts go throught the regular season losing 1 or 2 games, only to get beat by (usually) New England?  Too many times!!!  Underachievement sucks!!!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Timeline and Pre-PET Anxiety

Today, I had two people ask me why I haven't posted a new blog entry lately.  Well, some of us have day jobs, people!  Not to mention 3 kids and all of their activities.  {By the way, the frozen meals Laura and Cass brought me last week are coming in very handy this week with 3 basketball games- thanks, girls, the lasagna rolls were a real hit!}  SILVER LINING!

I've also had a lot of people tell me that they had no idea what I was going through and of course, they have many questions.  Living in a small town and going through all this crisis has also been interesting- I've heard all kinds of funny, false rumors.  I find myself getting frustrated explaining a lot of the procedures, diagnoses, etc. over and over again, but I have to remember that A) I personally didn't know about this stuff before it happened to me, and B) I was the one who chose to NOT be private about this whole experience, therefore, I have to accept and understand the curiosities of others. If you see me around town, don't hesitate to talk to me about my health- 90% of the time, I'm up for it.  If I'm not, I'm holed up at home and I avoid people. My close friends definitely sniff this behavior out, and pull me out of it by: bringing me Blizzards (Kathleen), bringing me breakfast (Joey), kidnapping me for a long walk (Kelly).  Calls and texts from long distance friends; in-box messages from people who don't know me, and I don't know them, but found out about my blog through mutual friends; emails from colleagues...these all hold profound meaning to me and I am so blessed to have so many caring people pepper my life!

For those who are just getting up to speed to what's going on with me, I'm going to write a quick timeline to catch you up with what's going on- I'm sorry if this is repetitive for some of you- skip ahead past the bullet points. 

First, here is my health history in a nutshell (pre-cancer).  It's short, because I WAS completely healthy before f'in breast cancer!

*I'm a 41-year-old, healthy weight female. 

*I exercise regularly

*No allergies

*No surgeries except wisdom teeth extraction in 1987. 

*No fertility issues

*1 healthy pregnancy, 1 stressful twin pregnancy; pre-eclampsia- all healthy natural deliveries (NO DRUGS- yeah, that's right, I said NO DRUGS, NO EPIDURALS)

*Frequent UTIs since the age of 22

*Baseline mammogram performed at the age of 37 by advice of my doctor.  It was fine.

Here is timeline since my last mammogram performed in April of 2011:

APRIL 2011:  Routine mammogram detected calcifications in left breast
APRIL 2011:  Magnified mammogram showed clustering of these calcifications, so biopsy ordered
APRIL 2011:  Biopsy performed and Ductal Carcinoma In Situ was diagnosed (non-invasive Stage 0 breast cancer)
MAY 2011:    After many consultations, I decided on left-side only mastectomy w/reconstruction
JULY 21, 2011:  Mastectomy performed on left breast and expander put in place
JULY-SEP 2011: Weekly trips to plastic surgeon to "fill in" expander slowly with saline to stretch skin to make room for implant
NOV 2011:  Genetic counseling (I will blog about this experience separately in the future) and genetic testing for BRCA1 and BRCA2 (breast cancer gene).  I tested NEGATIVE.
DEC 21, 2011:  Implant surgery by plastic surgeon.  Left-side gel implant put into place.  While surgeon went into my "good" breast to put in implant, he found a marble-sized lump.  It was biopsied immediately, and it was cancerous, so he closed me up right away.  While coming out of anesthesia, I experienced raspiness and a cough and my oxygen level was low.  They couldn't get it stabilized so they sent me to ER for chest x-ray and CT scan.  Everything was negative and the cough went away on its own.
DEC 31, 2011:   Consultation with surgeon who performed my first mastectomy.  I consent for right-side mastectomy and reconstruction.  He indicated that an incidental lesion was found on my liver during on the CT scan.  He wasn't too concerned but ordered MRI to be on the safe side.
JAN 4, 2012:   MRI performed on my abdomen (liver).  Results were inconclusive.  They "think" it's a benign adenoma but my surgeon orders a PET scan because of my history of cancer to rule out malignancy and metastasis.
JAN 12, 2012:  PET Scan scheduled
JAN 31, 2012:  Right-side mastectomy/placement of expander scheduled

DECEMBER 21-PRESENT:  FREAKED OUT MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE!  I open my eyes every morning, realize I'm not dreaming, and my stomach instantly hurts. But I pray for a minute and put my feet on the ground and go.  I just go. 

I read this morning that every time I affirm my trust in God, I put a coin in His Trust Treasury, and this builds up equity for days of trouble.  So I'm trying to trust, not worry.  Trying.

I hadn't intended to blog tonight, I'm sorry it's kind of long!  Be prepared for the next blog entry.  Please pray that the PET scan doesn't light up like a Christmas Tree.  If you are still having problems posting a comment on this blog, and you want to contact me, feel free to email me at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Tore Up from the Liver Up

I have an update to report on my MRI that was performed on Wednesday.  Unfortunately, the MRI was inconclusive and it appears that the spot on my liver is an Adenoma, but because of my cancer 'history,' my doctor is ordering a PET Scan to rule out the possibility of malignancy.  Adenomas are benign tumors, and are rare in the liver, but are widely associated with the use of oral contraceptives over a long period of time.  {We might be on to something here}.  I was on oral contraceptives for about 15 years, off only when I was pregnant.  So this would make sense if diagnosed, but I am not going to self-diagnose when we really have limited information.  Adenoma on the liver, although considered benign, can still cause many problems and can even become malignant down the road, and would need addressed one way or another, if that is indeed the diagnosis. The optimist in me and "believer in things meant to be" wants to believe that I had breathing problems after my last surgery, so that I would need a CT scan at the ER, so that it showed I had a small lesion on my liver, so that my surgeon would investigate it further, so that we now know I have a potential liver problem caught early... (my keyboard to God's ear).  But enough on all the speculation....my PET scan is next Thursday, please PRAY for my sanity until then!

As it stands now, my mastectomy, right-side, and placement of expander has been scheduled for January 31 at Parkview Hospital- Main Campus in Fort Wayne. 

Hmm, let's find a silver lining (Hollye- you are at work, here)....well, my left reconstructed breast is fantastic!  I love the shape, size, and feel of it. It's a little bigger than my God-given size, but now it's in proportion to my God-given ASS.  With help from a friend, we have coined her 'KIM' and hopefully it won't be too long that 'KOURTNEY' joins her.

I don't want to make light of the situation, believe me, cancer SUCKS.  I'm anxious and forlorn and I'm really trying to stay positive, but it's really easy to let your mind wander down a dark path.  I appreciate and feel your prayers- please keep them coming!