Arm-Chair Radiologist

Last night, I was digging through my "Breast Cancer" file, and I came across my mammography films from last April.  I convinced myself that I could examine these films and actually see the tumor that was "missed" or "not detected" on my right breast.  Setting up the brightest lamp I could find in the house, I propped my laptop up for Internet assistance, and stared for a half-hour at my right breast image as if I was a radiologist.  Maybe down the road, a second look at this mammography by an actual professional will be prudent, but honestly, in my arm-chair radiologist opinion, the machine "didn't press the right spot" or something.  There, how's that for a scientific explanation!? The other explanation I thought of was that it's probably clearly there in black and white, but the radiologist didn't bother looking at it because he was so fixated on the cancer in my left breast that he forgot to look at the right side.  To be honest, I feel a little foolish, after having sent countless "get your mammogram, it saved my life" Facebook posts- ironically, my mammogram only got it 50% correct and that's not good when you're talking about cancer!  Thank God I had reconstruction, or I'm not sure how long it would have gone undetected.  I realize that none of this is productive, I'm just so angry about all of this and I don't know how to get a grip on it.  Aside from the obvious inconvenience of being a busy working single mother that still has breast cancer, I have to eat up all of my vacation days again recovering from surgery, meet my deductible again, and incur another $6000 in out-of-pocket medical expenses again, all by the end of January!  {I know, I know, I'm lucky to have a job and insurance, yada yada yada (silver lining),}.  One thing is certain- cancer doesn't care who you are, how old you are, or how much savings you have!

The reality of my mastectomy surgery in two weeks is starting to sink in, but there are some lessons I learned from the last mastectomy surgery that will undoubtedly help me this time:

1.  DRAIN DRAMA.  Drains SUCK but I'll leave them in a lot longer this time around.  Drains are there for a reason and last time around, I convinced the Doc filling in for my Doc while on vacation, that it was fine to take them out.  As a result, the site had to be needle-drained 5 times.  I'm positive Dr. S, being so annoyingly conservative, would not have removed them that soon, had he been at that appointment.

2.  NIPPLE NIGHTMARE.  I will take something for relaxation before my sentinal node injection.  During this procedure, the radiologist injects needles into 4 spots around the nipple w/radioactive dye (ouch, SERIOUSLY) so that the surgeon can "map" the lymph nodes during surgery.  This, I'm dreading- I wish I didn't know what was coming.

3.  ALIEN PEE.  Nobody bothered to tell me that because of said nuclear dye mentioned above, that your pee turns blue.  I mean, BLUE.  I completely freaked out the first time I peed after surgery.  No surprises there this time.  Wouldn't you think a "heads up" would have been appropriate in that situation?

4.  ANESTHESIA LIGHTWEIGHT. In both surgeries, I had problems with anesthesia.  After the first surgery, I was very sick and nauseous. Guess what? Dry-heaving after a mastectomy is very painful.  At my reconstruction surgery, because of that, the anesthesiologist gave me a Scopolamine patch and it worked for the nausea, however, my vision was blurry for a couple of days. We still aren't sure what happened after the second surgery, as to why I had all the breathing problems.  That will be addressed too, I'm sure, this time around. 

5.  ITCHY STITCHIES. Reconstruction on my breast was delayed a couple of weeks because of incision issues.  I'm sure this is hit or miss, but I might start earlier on the Xeroform gauze anyway as a precaution.

6.  PILL HOARDING. This time around, I will say YES every single time any of my team of doctors/surgeons offers me pain medication!  I have taken only 5 Vicodin (pills, not bottles!) through this whole ordeal and I don't plan to have to take many this time around either, however, I think that just in case there is a holocaust or zombie apocalypse, I should start stock-piling immediately.  It is 2012, afterall...  JK! In all seriousness, I'm not a big fan of pain meds and luckily to this point, I haven't suffered too much pain.

7.  BUH-BYE, CHICKEN CUTLET.  I used that damn silicone insert to "even me out" after the last mastectomy and it was a gigantic pain in the ass.  Once, at the gym, I used it in my sports bra.  When I run outside, I don't bother with it, but being at the gym makes me a little self-conscious....well, I look down after my workout and my "chicken cutlet" was in the middle of my chest- it looked like I had 3 boobs (3 very uneven boobs)!  Nice.  I'm going to invest in a good post-mastectomy bra, or two, after this surgery.  None of my old bras fit anyway because Kim is bigger.  Should I need treatment after surgery, my reconstruction will be delayed anyway, so I might as well be comfortable.

8.  NOBODY LIKES MARTYRS.  Accept all help offered.

Just get here, January 31!  Let's get this cancer out once and for all and MOVE ON.  Everyone is sick of the drama and I've got some living to do. 

The stupid comment box is still wreaking havoc on some of you, so please feel free to email me with love mail, hate mail, funny mail, suggestions, comments, jokes, dirty jokes, encouragement, prayers, or whatever to amymariesmith93@gmail.com.  Thanks!