Rollercoaster Days...Enjoying Today's Ride!

Someone once told me that the worst part about breast cancer is the constant rollercoaster ride of news and emotions.  I can completely relate to that statement.   It's only 10:30am, but I've gone from warning my friend Kathleen about my anticipated meltdown at the plastic surgeon's office (I could even hear the trembling in my own voice on the way down), to having the best appointment EVER!  Kathleen picked me up early, we had snow overnight, and Mom stayed back to take the kids to school because they had a school delay.  I've been to Dr. S's office 19 times now, and I was prepared to go postal if he refused to take my drain out.  He is very conservative and does things on his own timeline....although I appreciate this in an intellectual way, I still get angry that he won't do what I want.  Paula came in (his nurse, whom I love), and brought in with her the familiar-looking syringe and bags of saline.  Is it possible?  Really POSSIBLE that he might, not only take out my drain, but do a saline fill-in into my expander too?  No way.  Having problems with my incision after my surgery in July, they teased me with the saline at 5 appointments until he finally started the fill-ins back in August.  Enter Dr. S.  He yanked the drain out (yes, that's how it's done- count to 3 and think about the 2-hour shower you are about to take when you get home).  Then he said he wants to get going on adding fluid to the expander.  {Who are you, and what did you do with Dr. Shambaugh?}  Feeling lucky, I decided to press my luck even further and told him instead of his "maximum" 50ccs that he normally adds, to go ahead and put in 100cc's...I can take the pain!  But then he went back to conservative Dr. S and said 'no.'  He wasn't privy to my pathology so I filled him in on that and asked about where reconstruction fits in to the timeline in relation to chemo.  He said that typically he proceeds with the fill-ins as usual, unless the patient isn't up for it, or their levels are low- it's very subjective.  Since I currently have one voluptuous C-cup and one flat spot, this news was glorious to me.  I can deal with being a little bit uneven for the time being, but now, at least aesthetically, I'll look ok in clothes. This all sounds so vain, I realize, but it's a silver lining that I wasn't even expecting, for sure.

At this point, I told Kathleen that she had to come to all of my appointments...she's good luck!

We walked a short jaunt over to Dr. Yahanda's office, because I needed to sign off on my records to have them sent to IU Med Center (hold that thought....).  I thought while I was there, I'd see if my pathology results were back on my HER2 status.  My original pathology report stated that my HER2 status was "borderline" and when that happens, it must be re-tested using another test called FISH.  Dr. Y's nurse said that the pathology report was back, but that he was out this week and hasn't reviewed it.  The Offensive Line of the Giants couldn't have kept me from leaving that office without my results!  Even if it looked like Greek, I was going to take that report and I'd find someone who could read it. Well, it wasn't all that difficult to decipher, and both Kathleen and I both read it and came to the same conclusion....that my cancer was HER2 NEGATIVE.  The ratio was well below the normal range, almost making me wonder why there was a question at all?  Something to discuss with my new Oncologist....which brings me to more news.

I made the decision to take my case down to Indiana University Simon Cancer Center in Indianapolis.  They are one of the best cancer centers in the US.  Lance Armstrong praised IU for the care he received there when he battled cancer. Yes, the 2 1/2 hour drive to Indy will be a pain, but I know in the end, that it'll be worth it to have cutting edge care and who knows, maybe even part of a clinical trial which would be a great way to pay it forward in a small way.  My appointment is Feb. 28.

In other news, I'm back to work tomorrow.  Pain-wise, I feel ok, but I'm not sleeping well at all and this is my only concern about returning to work.  Not being able to sleep in any other position but flat on my back makes my back hurt by 3am, and usually I'm up for the duration after that. Once I'm completely healed, I'm sure with the help of Brad Pitt (my body pillow purchased back in 1998 when I was prego with Matt), I'll be able to sleep much more comfortably.

Please email me with comments, suggestions, stories, encouragement, and love at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.