GLAD to be...Cancer Free!

.It's been a little over a month since my last surgery.  Although the constant stream of follow-up appointments with the oncologist, more MRIs, and plastic surgery appointments are making it impossible to completely put the thought of cancer behind me, I can finally look forward to life changes and events without the shadow of the next surgery or scan lurking. And I do!  There is no time to worry about what may happen months and years from now.  I saw a quote recently from Benjamin Franklin that I loved.  It read, "Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen.  Keep in the sunlight." 

 

Well, I'm staying in the sunlight!  Not every day is easy, but it's always an adventure, especially raising three precocious 'tweeners, but I really try to be GLAD for every day. How am I managing post-cancer, you ask?  I'm GLAD you asked :)

 

God

I'm not always perfect (SHOCKER!) but I try to keep God at the center of my life. It's not always easy- I was pretty pissed off at Him for a while.  I gave up years ago trying to map and figure out my life.  Oh, I made plans. But God laughed!  So bring it on- I think I've proven that I can take whatever is thrown my way.

 

Get down with these other "G" words: Guinness, Girlfriends, Grandparents, Guitars

 

Live!

Don't wait until you are retired to take the trip, take the trip now!  There is no guarantee of tomorrow.  Be sensible, but treat yourself once in a while.  Buy the Uggs, or the designer dress. Don't wait until the braces are off your kids' teeth, or wait until the kids are out of college, splurge once in a while.  You are smart enough to balance sensibility and fun.  Complacency is killer!  Don't settle for a mundane or unhappy life- you deserve better.

 

I like these "L" words too:  Love, Leisure, Las Vegas, Lakes, Lizzy

 

Advocate

Some people are private, some people like to share their experiences, then there's ME! Having gone through so many trials (rare high-risk twin pregnancy, divorce, cancer, working single-motherhood) I feel like I have some sort of obligation to help others and I embrace this role.  I don't have all the answers and I've needed help of my own along the way for sure, but I feel that God puts people in our lives for an exact reason- there are no such thing as coincidences.  There are those that I wonder why on earth they were put in my life, and those who I know exactly why they were put here!

 

All rise for these "A" words: America, All-Terrain Wheelchairs, Angola, Amy (me!), mAria, mAtt

 

Dream

Ray Charles said, "Dreams, if they are any good, are a little bit crazy." Well, I have some crazy-ass dreams.  Whether it be dreams about Mr. Right, a better career, achieving success, or a new place to live, dreams are what keep us hopeful.  So dream on, people!

 

Damn, these "D" words are delightful too:  Dudes, Dating, Dogs, Determination (that sounded more like a stream of thought or word association, huh?!)

 

 

I want to share a recent pic of my bestest college girlfriends from St. Mary's. We were determined to make a girls trip to Vegas happen and we did.  So for one fun weekend, we left behind all of our kids and obligations and had a blast in Las Vegas.  WOW!  These girlfriends of mine in the picture are some intelligent, fun, successful, and beautiful CHICAS!

 

 

 

L-R: Beth Larimer LaPrade, Buffalo, NY; Kelly Marozas Turula, Chicago, IL; Suzanne Schaffler Bautch, Garden City, NY; Laura Hanson Louder, Wilmington, DE; Julie Lynch, Charleston, SC; Amy Smith Wheeler, Angola, IN; Tricia Penny Pirone, Portland, ME; Robin Deal Clements, Birmingham, MI; Ellen Leonard, San Diego, CA; MISSING FROM PIC: Sarah Johnson Collyge, Bentonville, AR

Warrior Weary

Me & one of my best life-long friends, Lori, who lost her
 sister to breast cancer at too young of an age.

"I don't want to scold you, but don't let Tamoxifen be an excuse to eat a lot."  This is what my Oncologist said to me at my last appointment.  Seriously?  You are going to pick on a poor bi-lateral breast cancer survivor for gaining weight??  I LOVE HER!  It's about time someone pointed out what was obvious to me.  I knew it would be a bad weigh-in so I closed my eyes and instructed the nurse not to tell me the damage when I stepped on the scale. There went the honeymoon period. Time to get to work.  This 5'1" frame can't afford even a 10 lb weight gain and expect to fit into the clothes in the closet.  So I'm working out almost every day and trying to eat a lot better, although there are times I'm so famished I can hardly stand it (Tamoxifen side-effect).  I promised her a better scale number the next time I see her in September.  She also ordered another MRI on my abdomen, to see whether the incidental lesion found on my liver has grown at all.  Although the PET scan I had in January showed it to be non-cancerous, it could still be a matter of concern if it grows.  Unfortunately, because of this DAMNED tissue expander that is still in my body, I cannot have the MRI yet because of the magnetic port on the expander.  The last thing we'd need is a reverse impalement with my port shooting out of my bosom.  It looks like this MRI will likely take place in August as soon as I'm feeling well enough following my implant surgery on July 31.  Again...timeline too slow for this impatient girl.

We all have our battles to fight in life.  Now that I'm awaiting my final implant surgery, I have finally grown very "warrior" weary of all that has taken place since May 16, 2011.  I'm tired of the doctor's offices, tired of the insurance battles, tired of the driving, and even tired of all the pink. There is a feeling of isolation that I can't put my finger on, a feeling of not belonging to a category, group or demographic. Most of you are thinking, "but Amy, you belong in a class of your own!" (HAHA!!) Well, I'm here to tell ya, I just want to be normal and lead a normal life, but life doesn't seem to be leading me that way for some reason! It is a very difficult thing to pinpoint and explain.  At my last show, there was a mastectomy bra booth that I visited and all the women there had 20 years on me.  The sympathetic eyes and questions caught me off-guard.  And the "you went through this alone" comments! I was hardly alone.  I don't think anyone could have had more people by her side.  Yet, yes, I get their sympathy because I do feel alone. Weirdly. 

Living on the lake all summer, wearing a bathing suit the entire weekend is not uncommon for me.  This summer, I find myself completely jealous of all the women, young and old, who have their own boobs...whether they are small, big, saggy, or whatever, at least they have them!  As much as mine may "appear" to look good in a bikini, they are actually hard, cold, scarred, and lifeless.  Space-fillers.  That's what I call them!  None of my friends get this.  I am extremely thankful for my oncology surgeon who rid me of cancer, and for the plastic surgeon doing his best to make it all look better, don't get me wrong.  I guess I'm just experiencing bitterness that I had to get breast cancer in the first place. 

For being very happy and blessed, that was kind of a downer blog entry- SORRY!  I am actually doing very well.  I'm anxious for July 31, and I think I might throw up when I walk in that place- it brings back the most horrible memories of one of the worst days of my life getting the news that I had another malignant tumor in my other breast.  But I only have two boobs, thank God, so I'm sure all will go well this time around!

For all you newbies reading my blog, the comment box doesn't work most of the time, but please feel free to leave feedback at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.  And follow me on Twitter, please!  @amysmith70.



One Really Crappy Year, DOWN!

A dear friend of mine came out to see me after my second mastectomy and we watched a bunch of movies, one of them being, "Crazy Stupid Love."   Remember the part where Steve Carell's co-worker heard him crying in the bathroom and they were all sure he had cancer?  It turned out it was just divorce.  I looked at my friend and she looked at me.  It occurred to me then, man, I've gone through both of those things in 2 years time.  I'm so used to bad stuff happening lately, devastating stuff,  that the littlest good things now seem incredible to me!  I just want to tell everyone that even in the darkest times of your life, you have to hold out for another day- it will get better!  But that doesn't mean I get a little nervous about looking too far into the future...

It's been one year since my first breast cancer diagnosis.  Although the newness of being the "survivor" instead of the "fighter" is waning, the realization of what it means to have had cancer is starting to rear its ugly head.  Just one example, is that I naively applied for life insurance through my employer during open enrollment, and received the "are you serious?" letter from Anthem.  *DENIED*.  I guess in a weird sort of way, I still think the rules don't apply to me somehow. I have all the confidence in the world I'll never have a recurrence, but the underwriters and their equations believe otherwise.

But then I started to really think about it.  These underwriters don't know that I've seen three oncologists who all agree that my recurrence rate is low...that the Oncotype DX test says so; that I've been to a new GYN who has survived cancer herself and believes in preventative care to keep cancer away for good, hooking me up with all kinds of way too expensive supplements (will discuss in another blog entry, for sure); that I tested negative for the BRCA genetic testing; that I workout like a mad woman; and that I've really been trying to cut out the bad foods that breed inflammation and cancer cells.  (Well, ok, I'm not doing so hot with that last one, but I'm trying!)   No, the application process simply asked for surgeries, medications, and diagnoses.  "Breast cancer" was the buzzword, and the rubber stamp of disapproval was laid upon me with no questions asked.

As for what's going on with me physically at this point- I am in the waiting and stretching phase of my reconstruction for "Kourtney."  A strange calm has come over me.  I was SO impatient during this phase the first time around.  Now, I find myself forgetting that I need to keep my calendar open in July for my second implant surgery!  I guess I've been through so much that this seems like an afterthought.


From a medication standpoint, it's been a few months now that I've been on Tamoxifen.  Tamoxifen is an estrogen blocker that I have to be on for the next 5 years.  I don't doubt the effectiveness of this drug, but the side-effects are kicking my butt!  The least favorite being the weight gain. The night sweats aren't much fun either.  I complain a lot about the side-effects, but then I realize that it beats the hell out of chemo!

I've also come to embrace the advocate role that my diagnosis has created.  I've had close friends call me very worried about their mammogram "call backs."  I've had women, young, old, and middle-aged contact me for advice when the news wasn't good.  I love and embrace this responsibility!  And let's face it, unfortunately, 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. Information is power.  Without the advice I received from Kathy C, Darcy K, Carol B, Heidi F, Amy P, and Hollye H, I never would be where I am now.

I welcome any and all comments, encouragement, feedback, advice, etc.! The 'comment' box on this blog isn't very reliable, so feel free to send me an email at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.  And please follow me on Twitter @amysmith70.

HIPAA Laws Not Applicable to the TSA

Dr. Shambaugh, Me, & Paula :)

I have to start by saying that someone I know, a co-worker...(ok, it was Rick), told me a while back that he wasn't reading my blog because there weren't enough pictures and it was too long!  So that's why you have been seeing a lot of photos in my entries.   As for the length of my posts....I'm wordy- what can I say.

Most of you probably saw my Facebook post that my Oncotype DX testing came back. This test was launched in the United States in 2004.  It is a diagnostic test that helps breast and colon cancer patients and their doctors determine whether chemotherapy should be included in their treatment plan and also indicates how likely the cancer is to return in the future.  The criteria for breast cancer patients to use this test is that the cancer is early-stage and estrogen receptor positive, both of which applied to me.  A sample of the tumor is sent to the company that developed this test, Genomic Health. It looks at a group of 21 genes within a woman’s tumor sample—16 cancer genes and 5 control genes—to see how they are expressed, or how active they are. The results of the test are reported as a quantitative Recurrence Score^® result, which is a score between 0 and 100 that correlates with the likelihood of having the cancer return, and the likelihood that the patient will benefit from adding chemotherapy to hormonal therapy. 

Dr. Agerwaal (my second-opinion Oncologist) explained to me that in the clinical trials that have been done, it was determined that the women who score in the low range typically derive no benefit to chemotherapy.  On the other hand, women in the high end of the scale received great benefit from chemo.  However, Dr. Agerwaal cautioned me that the clinical trials are only now wrapping up on the women who score in the middle, and that there isn't sufficient data to see where these women fit in the picture.  SHE recommended that if I were to score in the middle range that chemo would be my best option.

A week later, my first Oncologist called me to tell me that I scored a 5!  She said that they hardly ever see a score that low.  I'm thinking I scored a zero and they are just covering their asses!  This piece of great news was such a relief.  Having been told early on by my surgeon that I would most likely need chemo, I had prepared myself for a long summer and fall.  What a blessing that this technology and testing is around for women like me who even 10 years ago would have been automatically given chemo unnecessarily.

My friend, Lori & I at Oak Mountain Winery in Temecula, CA

Kourtney update:  I saw Dr. S (pictured above!) and told him that I wouldn't be in the following week for my fill-in because I would be in Los Angeles.  And he was going to be out the following week, so I convinced him to add 100cc's to my expander instead of the usual 50!!  For those of you who regularly read my blog, you know this is a huge deal....that I could talk Dr. S in to deviating from HIS timeline. I'm so proud of my persuasive ways.  I will say...adding 100 cc's was painful but there was no way I was going to show any discomfort or he would have stopped.  My appointment was two weeks ago and it is still painful.  I should only need 50cc's more added and I'll be at my desired size. I'm dreading the 4th surgery in a year's time, but there will be follow-up procedures (fat-grafting, nipples) that need to be performed yet, and I really need all of this done by year's end for insurance purposes. 

Speaking of my expander....on my way back from LA, the TSA stopped me after I went through the machine at security at LAX.  The TSA agent asked (very loudly), "what is in your bra?"  Now, I'm not shy and I'm obviously open about my breast cancer, but did the whole line of travellers grabbing their belongings out of their containers really need to hear my business??  I told her that it was a surgically-placed tissue expander and that it is used for reconstruction after a mastectomy.  She then told me that she needed to inspect me and without offering me a "privacy area" quickly "felt me up" on my right side and also checked my hands for residue! Nice!  I've flown about 4 or 5 times with an expander and never had an issue.  I can't wait to tell Dr. S, because early-on I had asked him about this, and he said he had never heard of anyone having an issue.  Leave it to me to be the first!!

To leave me feedback, comments, opinions, or love, email me at amymariesmith93@gmail.com .  You can try the comment box but it is still a little quirky. 

Barbie Boobies

Face Timing the Kids from Canada- thank God for iPhones!

Things are progressing well with the reconstruction phase (phase? it's been non-stop since last July!) of my post-breast cancer diagnoses. After having incision issues again, I returned back to Dr. S today and resumed the fill-in process.  Many people are intrigued by this "fill-in" process and ask me all the time how it works.  And I'm sure there are many of you out there (mostly dudes) who are too embarrassed to ask.  But good for those of you who do ask me!  You know I'll share, don't you?

I chose two-stage reconstruction.  At the time of my mastectomy, a tissue expander, which is like a balloon, was put under my skin and chest muscle. Through a tiny valve under the skin, the surgeon injects a saline solution at regular intervals to fill the expander over time.  In my case, I go every week for "fill-ins."  Dr. S finds the port with a magnet and marks it with a pen.  Then he sticks me with a BIG ASS needle and injects the saline.  {For those of you who know about my Pulp Fiction obsession, I think of Mia Wallace every time he marks me with a marker on my chest!}. He puts in 50ccs at a time at the max. I barely feel the needle- I don't have much feeling.  However, when the saline goes in, I can feel pressure against my chest and for the most part, it is temporary and not too painful.  The last fill-in I had with Kim (my first experience with BC on my left side), it hurt for a few weeks.  I definitely think I was stretching my limit, and I knew that was enough. Once the desired size is chosen, Dr. S requires we wait 8 weeks for the skin to properly stretch.  There are different time-lines for different surgeons.  I have a friend whose Dr. gave her 100ccs at a time and put the implants in a couple of weeks later.  But then again, we all know about my conservative surgeon.  Once the 8 weeks is over and everything looks good, Dr. S will perform the "swap" of the expander for the implant. I chose silicone implants on Dr. S's recommendation and I am happy with the decision.  For me, the saline implants didn't feel as "real" and there is more of a risk that they'll "fall." Of course, there are risks with the silicone implants. A rupture can cause a slow leak.  But these implants have come a long way and the last thing I'm worried about after having cancer, is my implant rupturing!  The surgery recovery itself, the first time around, was a cake-walk for me. My skin must have been perfectly stretched out, because I had virtually no pain whatsoever. I pray that this is the case for my right side.

So you would think that the implants are in and that's the end of the story, huh?  NOT SO.  At this point, I look like this (minus the blond hair and skinny arms):

Yes, that's right, no nipples or areolas, just nice mastectomy scars in the middle of my lady lumps. Well, let's give a big ol' HELL YEAH for plastic surgeons, because there is work to be done!

For one, there is no breast tissue, only an implant, so it's typical for dimples, rippling, etc to occur.  In this case, Dr. S will perform lipo or local fat extraction - wherever I choose (BONUS) and inject that fat into the dimply spots on my breasts to "round them out."  In fact, I do have a couple of spots on Kim where some work needs done, but he's obviously going to wait until Kourtney is done to do anything. 

Once that is done, the nipples will be constructed and areolas will be tattooed (yes, tattooed).  Crazy!  I will say, the thought of not getting nipples has crossed my mind.  I would never need a bra! Just like Barbie, in clothes, I'll look freakin' fantastic, but underneath the clothes?  I know men are pretty simple creatures, but I'm not sure how this would fly with most dudes and one of these days, I might, MIGHT be in an actual relationship (?!?!)  I'm a pretty confident person, but I've suffered with body issues my whole life.  At this point, I feel like a cosmic joke has been placed on me with all of this.  My thought is I'll treat it like I do my "twin skin" and stretch marks from pregnancy....battle scars to remind me what is and what is not important in life.  Placing emphasis on the fact I've survived breast cancer helps me with the fact that a lot of my feminine identity has been stolen from me.  But it still sucks.  A lot.  No matter how "perfect" a plastic surgeon can make them look, the fact is that mine are gone and these are just a mere substitution to get me through the vanity of our society. 

Again, I'm sorry for the comment box not working for most of you.  To leave me feedback or whatever else regarding this post, please feel free to email me at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.  I love reading your thoughts and opinions!

Suddenly, I Can See a Light

Me and My Mom who takes such good care of me!

"All set, let's jet!"  That was the last thing my new Oncologist, Dr. Anna Maria Storniolo said to me as I left her office today.  What a far cry from my former Oncologist who was...ahem...inappropriate and come to find out, addicted to meth!  The Indiana University Simon Cancer Center is quite a facility. My Mom and I were laughing as we watched all the hot, young, new "white-coats" walk by...it was like Seattle Grace!  Before I saw AMS (these are Dr. Storniolo's initials....same as mine....I'm weird about coincidences), I saw Dr. Satpute, who was on a Fellowship w/AMS and he went over my last year's worth of records to get everything straight.  I knew it would be confusing to get 90 pages of my cancer history over a fax so I got him up to speed.  He went over everything with me, but he stated that I could ask him questions, and ask her the same questions again, whatever made me comfortable.  I thought this was a great opportunity to get a second opinion in one appointment.  Interestingly enough, he did have different opinions about a couple of things (Lymphedema risk, and OncoType DX testing).  Because of the Stage 1 scenario, he definitely recommended a test called OncoType DX.  This test assesses the likelihood of recurrence in early-stage cancer with E+ tumor.  The test analyzes a panel of 21 genes within a tumor to determine the likelihood of recurrence and whether there would be a benefit to chemotherapy. I asked him additional questions about this test and some other questions too.  He was patient, kind, and explained things very well.

After Dr. Satpute finished up, AMS came in- WOW- she was such an engaging, enthusiastic, and informative doctor. First and foremost, she told me that she would not have done anything differently on how I decided to treat my cancer or how my Doctors approached my cancer. She told me that biologically, my scenario couldn't be better, as far as my tumor goes.  It was highly Estrogen and Progesterone receptive, HER2 negative, and was very low grade.  So low grade, in fact, that she said that it has probably been slow-growing for 10-12 years!  I asked her about the discrepancy in the HER2 tests and she said that they fight with pathologists all the time to just do away with the stain test (IHC) and just do the FISH test to determine the HER2 status.  It is the most accurate and she assured me that the tumor was indeed HER2 negative and to be sure of that.  Because of the early stage and great pathology, she recommended NO chemo and to stay on the Tamoxifen for 5 years.  Having gone through the whole OncoType DX testing stuff with the other Dr., I inquired about doing that testing and she said if I wanted "that number to hang my hat on" that I should do it for peace of mind, but that she didn't foresee an outcome that would mean I'd need additional treatment.  Being the worry-wart and nervous-nelly that I am, I told her to order the test and that I NEEDED TO KNOW FOR SURE!  Another test, more waiting, blah blah blah, I'm used to it all by now. She was truly fascinated by my case and told me that I had "old lady" cancer in a young person's body (which is a good thing). Having had Dr. Y tell me chemo was most likely in my future, all of my other questions for her pertained to just that. I'm 95% out of the woods on chemo.  Fingers/toes crossed.  I follow up with her in 3 weeks.

Another baffling issue with all of this.....the differing opinions about Lymphedema.  My God, can we get a consensus on this???  I've asked every one of my doctors and everyone has different opinions about whether I'm really at risk or not.  I've only had sentinel nodes removed, but even that carries risks.  All I can say is that I'm a firm believer that I have to be my own advocate for this and go with my gut.  What is the big effin' deal about getting my blood pressure taken on my leg if it means eliminating the risk at all?  So although I might go as far as doing just that, getting my BP taken from my leg, I may forgo the compression arm sleeves when I fly.

(KOURTNEY UPDATE): Mom and I cruised north to Fort Wayne in time for my "weekly" plastic surgeon appointment with Dr. S (suddenly I have 3 Dr. S's!!).  Having issues with my incision with my last mastectomy, I really tried to be careful this time and not take off my steri-strips until they just fell off in the shower.  Well, they did over the weekend and when I held the mirror up to take a looksy I said, "oh, fu**."  Only I didn't say fudge.  Lots of blistery spots that I remembered from the last go-around, only this time it looked worse.  I knew there was no fill-in in my future for probably the next 2 weeks and of course, I was correct (Dr. S is so predictable).  He said that it would be ok, and that it isn't infected so that's good.  I said to him, "So, can I run yet?"  He said, "Yes, but take it easy!"  I said, "I'm going to Vancouver next week, can I snowboard? (trying to keep a straight face)"  He doubled over laughing.  :(  BOOOO!  I know I was pressing my luck, but I had to ask.   Nothing spells disaster like an out-of-shape former bi-lateral breast cancer patient rupturing an implant in a foreign country.  Ok, I guess I'll concede that one.

Next up....my first work trip since surgery.  Vancouver next week.  I can't wait to see my industry friends and personally hug them for all of their well-wishes and cards from afar.  Going through cancer and everything that goes with it, has sure given me a new perspective on things. What a blessing!

As always, feel free to email me at amymariesmith93@gmail.com with anything, really.  If you have an opinion/experience with Lymphedema, I'd love to hear it.  If you want to share your opinion about the Keystone Pipeline, that's fine too :)  I just love a full mailbox.

Rollercoaster Days...Enjoying Today's Ride!

Someone once told me that the worst part about breast cancer is the constant rollercoaster ride of news and emotions.  I can completely relate to that statement.   It's only 10:30am, but I've gone from warning my friend Kathleen about my anticipated meltdown at the plastic surgeon's office (I could even hear the trembling in my own voice on the way down), to having the best appointment EVER!  Kathleen picked me up early, we had snow overnight, and Mom stayed back to take the kids to school because they had a school delay.  I've been to Dr. S's office 19 times now, and I was prepared to go postal if he refused to take my drain out.  He is very conservative and does things on his own timeline....although I appreciate this in an intellectual way, I still get angry that he won't do what I want.  Paula came in (his nurse, whom I love), and brought in with her the familiar-looking syringe and bags of saline.  Is it possible?  Really POSSIBLE that he might, not only take out my drain, but do a saline fill-in into my expander too?  No way.  Having problems with my incision after my surgery in July, they teased me with the saline at 5 appointments until he finally started the fill-ins back in August.  Enter Dr. S.  He yanked the drain out (yes, that's how it's done- count to 3 and think about the 2-hour shower you are about to take when you get home).  Then he said he wants to get going on adding fluid to the expander.  {Who are you, and what did you do with Dr. Shambaugh?}  Feeling lucky, I decided to press my luck even further and told him instead of his "maximum" 50ccs that he normally adds, to go ahead and put in 100cc's...I can take the pain!  But then he went back to conservative Dr. S and said 'no.'  He wasn't privy to my pathology so I filled him in on that and asked about where reconstruction fits in to the timeline in relation to chemo.  He said that typically he proceeds with the fill-ins as usual, unless the patient isn't up for it, or their levels are low- it's very subjective.  Since I currently have one voluptuous C-cup and one flat spot, this news was glorious to me.  I can deal with being a little bit uneven for the time being, but now, at least aesthetically, I'll look ok in clothes. This all sounds so vain, I realize, but it's a silver lining that I wasn't even expecting, for sure.

At this point, I told Kathleen that she had to come to all of my appointments...she's good luck!

We walked a short jaunt over to Dr. Yahanda's office, because I needed to sign off on my records to have them sent to IU Med Center (hold that thought....).  I thought while I was there, I'd see if my pathology results were back on my HER2 status.  My original pathology report stated that my HER2 status was "borderline" and when that happens, it must be re-tested using another test called FISH.  Dr. Y's nurse said that the pathology report was back, but that he was out this week and hasn't reviewed it.  The Offensive Line of the Giants couldn't have kept me from leaving that office without my results!  Even if it looked like Greek, I was going to take that report and I'd find someone who could read it. Well, it wasn't all that difficult to decipher, and both Kathleen and I both read it and came to the same conclusion....that my cancer was HER2 NEGATIVE.  The ratio was well below the normal range, almost making me wonder why there was a question at all?  Something to discuss with my new Oncologist....which brings me to more news.

I made the decision to take my case down to Indiana University Simon Cancer Center in Indianapolis.  They are one of the best cancer centers in the US.  Lance Armstrong praised IU for the care he received there when he battled cancer. Yes, the 2 1/2 hour drive to Indy will be a pain, but I know in the end, that it'll be worth it to have cutting edge care and who knows, maybe even part of a clinical trial which would be a great way to pay it forward in a small way.  My appointment is Feb. 28.

In other news, I'm back to work tomorrow.  Pain-wise, I feel ok, but I'm not sleeping well at all and this is my only concern about returning to work.  Not being able to sleep in any other position but flat on my back makes my back hurt by 3am, and usually I'm up for the duration after that. Once I'm completely healed, I'm sure with the help of Brad Pitt (my body pillow purchased back in 1998 when I was prego with Matt), I'll be able to sleep much more comfortably.

Please email me with comments, suggestions, stories, encouragement, and love at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.