Barbie Boobies

Face Timing the Kids from Canada- thank God for iPhones!

Things are progressing well with the reconstruction phase (phase? it's been non-stop since last July!) of my post-breast cancer diagnoses. After having incision issues again, I returned back to Dr. S today and resumed the fill-in process.  Many people are intrigued by this "fill-in" process and ask me all the time how it works.  And I'm sure there are many of you out there (mostly dudes) who are too embarrassed to ask.  But good for those of you who do ask me!  You know I'll share, don't you?

I chose two-stage reconstruction.  At the time of my mastectomy, a tissue expander, which is like a balloon, was put under my skin and chest muscle. Through a tiny valve under the skin, the surgeon injects a saline solution at regular intervals to fill the expander over time.  In my case, I go every week for "fill-ins."  Dr. S finds the port with a magnet and marks it with a pen.  Then he sticks me with a BIG ASS needle and injects the saline.  {For those of you who know about my Pulp Fiction obsession, I think of Mia Wallace every time he marks me with a marker on my chest!}. He puts in 50ccs at a time at the max. I barely feel the needle- I don't have much feeling.  However, when the saline goes in, I can feel pressure against my chest and for the most part, it is temporary and not too painful.  The last fill-in I had with Kim (my first experience with BC on my left side), it hurt for a few weeks.  I definitely think I was stretching my limit, and I knew that was enough. Once the desired size is chosen, Dr. S requires we wait 8 weeks for the skin to properly stretch.  There are different time-lines for different surgeons.  I have a friend whose Dr. gave her 100ccs at a time and put the implants in a couple of weeks later.  But then again, we all know about my conservative surgeon.  Once the 8 weeks is over and everything looks good, Dr. S will perform the "swap" of the expander for the implant. I chose silicone implants on Dr. S's recommendation and I am happy with the decision.  For me, the saline implants didn't feel as "real" and there is more of a risk that they'll "fall." Of course, there are risks with the silicone implants. A rupture can cause a slow leak.  But these implants have come a long way and the last thing I'm worried about after having cancer, is my implant rupturing!  The surgery recovery itself, the first time around, was a cake-walk for me. My skin must have been perfectly stretched out, because I had virtually no pain whatsoever. I pray that this is the case for my right side.

So you would think that the implants are in and that's the end of the story, huh?  NOT SO.  At this point, I look like this (minus the blond hair and skinny arms):

Yes, that's right, no nipples or areolas, just nice mastectomy scars in the middle of my lady lumps. Well, let's give a big ol' HELL YEAH for plastic surgeons, because there is work to be done!

For one, there is no breast tissue, only an implant, so it's typical for dimples, rippling, etc to occur.  In this case, Dr. S will perform lipo or local fat extraction - wherever I choose (BONUS) and inject that fat into the dimply spots on my breasts to "round them out."  In fact, I do have a couple of spots on Kim where some work needs done, but he's obviously going to wait until Kourtney is done to do anything. 

Once that is done, the nipples will be constructed and areolas will be tattooed (yes, tattooed).  Crazy!  I will say, the thought of not getting nipples has crossed my mind.  I would never need a bra! Just like Barbie, in clothes, I'll look freakin' fantastic, but underneath the clothes?  I know men are pretty simple creatures, but I'm not sure how this would fly with most dudes and one of these days, I might, MIGHT be in an actual relationship (?!?!)  I'm a pretty confident person, but I've suffered with body issues my whole life.  At this point, I feel like a cosmic joke has been placed on me with all of this.  My thought is I'll treat it like I do my "twin skin" and stretch marks from pregnancy....battle scars to remind me what is and what is not important in life.  Placing emphasis on the fact I've survived breast cancer helps me with the fact that a lot of my feminine identity has been stolen from me.  But it still sucks.  A lot.  No matter how "perfect" a plastic surgeon can make them look, the fact is that mine are gone and these are just a mere substitution to get me through the vanity of our society. 

Again, I'm sorry for the comment box not working for most of you.  To leave me feedback or whatever else regarding this post, please feel free to email me at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.  I love reading your thoughts and opinions!

Suddenly, I Can See a Light

Me and My Mom who takes such good care of me!

"All set, let's jet!"  That was the last thing my new Oncologist, Dr. Anna Maria Storniolo said to me as I left her office today.  What a far cry from my former Oncologist who was...ahem...inappropriate and come to find out, addicted to meth!  The Indiana University Simon Cancer Center is quite a facility. My Mom and I were laughing as we watched all the hot, young, new "white-coats" walk by...it was like Seattle Grace!  Before I saw AMS (these are Dr. Storniolo's initials....same as mine....I'm weird about coincidences), I saw Dr. Satpute, who was on a Fellowship w/AMS and he went over my last year's worth of records to get everything straight.  I knew it would be confusing to get 90 pages of my cancer history over a fax so I got him up to speed.  He went over everything with me, but he stated that I could ask him questions, and ask her the same questions again, whatever made me comfortable.  I thought this was a great opportunity to get a second opinion in one appointment.  Interestingly enough, he did have different opinions about a couple of things (Lymphedema risk, and OncoType DX testing).  Because of the Stage 1 scenario, he definitely recommended a test called OncoType DX.  This test assesses the likelihood of recurrence in early-stage cancer with E+ tumor.  The test analyzes a panel of 21 genes within a tumor to determine the likelihood of recurrence and whether there would be a benefit to chemotherapy. I asked him additional questions about this test and some other questions too.  He was patient, kind, and explained things very well.

After Dr. Satpute finished up, AMS came in- WOW- she was such an engaging, enthusiastic, and informative doctor. First and foremost, she told me that she would not have done anything differently on how I decided to treat my cancer or how my Doctors approached my cancer. She told me that biologically, my scenario couldn't be better, as far as my tumor goes.  It was highly Estrogen and Progesterone receptive, HER2 negative, and was very low grade.  So low grade, in fact, that she said that it has probably been slow-growing for 10-12 years!  I asked her about the discrepancy in the HER2 tests and she said that they fight with pathologists all the time to just do away with the stain test (IHC) and just do the FISH test to determine the HER2 status.  It is the most accurate and she assured me that the tumor was indeed HER2 negative and to be sure of that.  Because of the early stage and great pathology, she recommended NO chemo and to stay on the Tamoxifen for 5 years.  Having gone through the whole OncoType DX testing stuff with the other Dr., I inquired about doing that testing and she said if I wanted "that number to hang my hat on" that I should do it for peace of mind, but that she didn't foresee an outcome that would mean I'd need additional treatment.  Being the worry-wart and nervous-nelly that I am, I told her to order the test and that I NEEDED TO KNOW FOR SURE!  Another test, more waiting, blah blah blah, I'm used to it all by now. She was truly fascinated by my case and told me that I had "old lady" cancer in a young person's body (which is a good thing). Having had Dr. Y tell me chemo was most likely in my future, all of my other questions for her pertained to just that. I'm 95% out of the woods on chemo.  Fingers/toes crossed.  I follow up with her in 3 weeks.

Another baffling issue with all of this.....the differing opinions about Lymphedema.  My God, can we get a consensus on this???  I've asked every one of my doctors and everyone has different opinions about whether I'm really at risk or not.  I've only had sentinel nodes removed, but even that carries risks.  All I can say is that I'm a firm believer that I have to be my own advocate for this and go with my gut.  What is the big effin' deal about getting my blood pressure taken on my leg if it means eliminating the risk at all?  So although I might go as far as doing just that, getting my BP taken from my leg, I may forgo the compression arm sleeves when I fly.

(KOURTNEY UPDATE): Mom and I cruised north to Fort Wayne in time for my "weekly" plastic surgeon appointment with Dr. S (suddenly I have 3 Dr. S's!!).  Having issues with my incision with my last mastectomy, I really tried to be careful this time and not take off my steri-strips until they just fell off in the shower.  Well, they did over the weekend and when I held the mirror up to take a looksy I said, "oh, fu**."  Only I didn't say fudge.  Lots of blistery spots that I remembered from the last go-around, only this time it looked worse.  I knew there was no fill-in in my future for probably the next 2 weeks and of course, I was correct (Dr. S is so predictable).  He said that it would be ok, and that it isn't infected so that's good.  I said to him, "So, can I run yet?"  He said, "Yes, but take it easy!"  I said, "I'm going to Vancouver next week, can I snowboard? (trying to keep a straight face)"  He doubled over laughing.  :(  BOOOO!  I know I was pressing my luck, but I had to ask.   Nothing spells disaster like an out-of-shape former bi-lateral breast cancer patient rupturing an implant in a foreign country.  Ok, I guess I'll concede that one.

Next up....my first work trip since surgery.  Vancouver next week.  I can't wait to see my industry friends and personally hug them for all of their well-wishes and cards from afar.  Going through cancer and everything that goes with it, has sure given me a new perspective on things. What a blessing!

As always, feel free to email me at amymariesmith93@gmail.com with anything, really.  If you have an opinion/experience with Lymphedema, I'd love to hear it.  If you want to share your opinion about the Keystone Pipeline, that's fine too :)  I just love a full mailbox.

Rollercoaster Days...Enjoying Today's Ride!

Someone once told me that the worst part about breast cancer is the constant rollercoaster ride of news and emotions.  I can completely relate to that statement.   It's only 10:30am, but I've gone from warning my friend Kathleen about my anticipated meltdown at the plastic surgeon's office (I could even hear the trembling in my own voice on the way down), to having the best appointment EVER!  Kathleen picked me up early, we had snow overnight, and Mom stayed back to take the kids to school because they had a school delay.  I've been to Dr. S's office 19 times now, and I was prepared to go postal if he refused to take my drain out.  He is very conservative and does things on his own timeline....although I appreciate this in an intellectual way, I still get angry that he won't do what I want.  Paula came in (his nurse, whom I love), and brought in with her the familiar-looking syringe and bags of saline.  Is it possible?  Really POSSIBLE that he might, not only take out my drain, but do a saline fill-in into my expander too?  No way.  Having problems with my incision after my surgery in July, they teased me with the saline at 5 appointments until he finally started the fill-ins back in August.  Enter Dr. S.  He yanked the drain out (yes, that's how it's done- count to 3 and think about the 2-hour shower you are about to take when you get home).  Then he said he wants to get going on adding fluid to the expander.  {Who are you, and what did you do with Dr. Shambaugh?}  Feeling lucky, I decided to press my luck even further and told him instead of his "maximum" 50ccs that he normally adds, to go ahead and put in 100cc's...I can take the pain!  But then he went back to conservative Dr. S and said 'no.'  He wasn't privy to my pathology so I filled him in on that and asked about where reconstruction fits in to the timeline in relation to chemo.  He said that typically he proceeds with the fill-ins as usual, unless the patient isn't up for it, or their levels are low- it's very subjective.  Since I currently have one voluptuous C-cup and one flat spot, this news was glorious to me.  I can deal with being a little bit uneven for the time being, but now, at least aesthetically, I'll look ok in clothes. This all sounds so vain, I realize, but it's a silver lining that I wasn't even expecting, for sure.

At this point, I told Kathleen that she had to come to all of my appointments...she's good luck!

We walked a short jaunt over to Dr. Yahanda's office, because I needed to sign off on my records to have them sent to IU Med Center (hold that thought....).  I thought while I was there, I'd see if my pathology results were back on my HER2 status.  My original pathology report stated that my HER2 status was "borderline" and when that happens, it must be re-tested using another test called FISH.  Dr. Y's nurse said that the pathology report was back, but that he was out this week and hasn't reviewed it.  The Offensive Line of the Giants couldn't have kept me from leaving that office without my results!  Even if it looked like Greek, I was going to take that report and I'd find someone who could read it. Well, it wasn't all that difficult to decipher, and both Kathleen and I both read it and came to the same conclusion....that my cancer was HER2 NEGATIVE.  The ratio was well below the normal range, almost making me wonder why there was a question at all?  Something to discuss with my new Oncologist....which brings me to more news.

I made the decision to take my case down to Indiana University Simon Cancer Center in Indianapolis.  They are one of the best cancer centers in the US.  Lance Armstrong praised IU for the care he received there when he battled cancer. Yes, the 2 1/2 hour drive to Indy will be a pain, but I know in the end, that it'll be worth it to have cutting edge care and who knows, maybe even part of a clinical trial which would be a great way to pay it forward in a small way.  My appointment is Feb. 28.

In other news, I'm back to work tomorrow.  Pain-wise, I feel ok, but I'm not sleeping well at all and this is my only concern about returning to work.  Not being able to sleep in any other position but flat on my back makes my back hurt by 3am, and usually I'm up for the duration after that. Once I'm completely healed, I'm sure with the help of Brad Pitt (my body pillow purchased back in 1998 when I was prego with Matt), I'll be able to sleep much more comfortably.

Please email me with comments, suggestions, stories, encouragement, and love at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.

Good News....But Battle is Not Over

 Dr. Yahanda gave me the results of my pathology today.   

T1N0M0

This means:
(T) 1, meaning (t)umor, size-wise, is Stage 1 *
(N) 0, meaning no spreading into my lymph (n)odes
(M) 0, meaning no (m)etastasis

*I asterisk'd this one, because the exact size of my tumor is unknown because they still need to "piece" together the part of the tumor my plastic surgeon took out when he came across it during reconstruction with the tumor taken out during my mastectomy.  The pathology report states that the size of the tumor taken out during my mastectomy was 1.8 cm in greatest dimension.

The tumor was highly progesterone and estrogen receptive (a good thing).

All margins were clean of cancer cells.

Then he told me about my HER2 status. 

HER2-positive breast cancer is a breast cancer that tests positive for a protein called human epidermal growth factor receptor 2 (HER2), which promotes the growth of cancer cells. In about 1 of every 5 breast cancers, the cancer cells make an excess of HER2 due to a gene mutation. This gene mutation and the elevated levels of HER2 that it causes can occur in many types of cancer.  HER2-positive breast cancers tend to be more aggressive than other types of breast cancer. They're also less responsive to hormone treatment. However, treatments that specifically target HER2 are very effective, and have become available in the last few years.

My pathology report stated that the HER2 tested 2+ by the IHC test (ImmunoHistoChemistry) which is performed in initial pathology.  2+ means borderline.  Therefore, it must be re-tested using FISH (Flourescence In Situ Hybridization) and this test will verify if indeed my tumor is HER2 positive or negative.
If the HER2 status is positive, then chemo will undoubtedly be in my future, along with treatment involving the drug Herceptin (thank GOD for this drug, but GEEEZ, side-effects look horrible).

At this point in my appointment, I thought, well, maybe there is a chance that this new test will reveal the tumor is HER2 negative, in which case, would make it the best possible outcome of my pathology. 

And that is still possible. However, my heart sank when Dr. Y told me that even if it is HER2 negative, given my younger age and size of the tumor, chemo is usually always recommended as the standard course of treatment.

All of this will be evaluated by my oncologist.  WAIT!  That's right, I don't haaaaave an oncologist, because mine was busted for meth.  And guess what?  I found out the one I finally decided on isn't taking new patients.  And I can't get in to see my next choice of oncologist until March 15!  I'm going to do some more oncologist research.  I guess if I have to travel a little further for treatment, but get in faster, then I may do that, but that just adds to the burden of more time off work, away from kids, etc.

Cancer is fucking bullshit- there I said it.  I'm so over it already.  It's gone from my body, but it's still completely disrupting my life.

As far as my recovery, I am still experiencing some pain, but I'm slowly weaning off my pain meds. Every day gets a little better.  I saw Dr. S (plastic surgeon) and my incision looks good (well, it looks good to him- to me, it looks frankensteinish).  Because this incision is so close to the one he made during reconstruction, we need to closely monitor the blood flow between these two incisions.  He only took out one drain tube, which puts me no closer to the shower I desperately need!  I'm sure that once my incision is healed, and my drain is out, all of my visits to Dr. S will come to a halt for a while until my treatment is well over.

My cancer has not spread!  I am extremely lucky that this was all caught, maybe not as early as it should have been, but early nonetheless.  As much as I dread the thought of chemotherapy, if that is what it takes to make sure cancer stays away for good, then I guess I'll just have to deal.

Comments, pep-talks, and stories encouraged at amymariesmith93@gmail.com

Recovery Road

It's Super Bowl Sunday and normally I'd be conjuring up dips and platters and all kinds of yummy treats for the big game.  This is no ordinary Super Bowl Sunday....I'm still a little nauseous and tired and sore from Tuesday's surgery.  Although I feel a little better in terms of pain, I'm not nearly ready to be weened off the pain meds quite yet.  And afraid to become more "backed up" and having absolutely NO appetite, I haven't been eating too much and I've probably lost around 6 lbs already.  Once I go off the pain meds and finish my antibiotic, I'm sure I'll be back to feeling better, unfortunately, it's all on a much slower time-line than the first time.

In addition to the pain, I'm dealing with extremely annoying itching all over my body.  In some spots, particularly around my bra line and close to my drain location, I have raised, red spots which I'm treating with double-strength hydrocortisone cream. You know how the itching works....if you aren't thinking about it, it's fine, but once you start thinking about it and start itching, you can't stop! 

Despite the more painful recovery, I do have some really good news in terms of my drain tubes!!  I am barely draining at all and my serous fluid is straw colored so I'm certain I'll be rid of these drains on Tuesday!  It is so bizarre to me how completely different this mastectomy was from the last.  I never saw straw-colored serous fluid the last time, it was always red, and I drained and drained and drained.  I certainly wasn't expecting this and consider it a massive silver lining!

I'm in pretty good spirits, to be honest. The reality of not having breasts and having a part of my identity taken away hasn't hit me fully, but I guess I'll face it when I'm up and lucid.  I look forward anxiously to my final pathology report and my upcoming appointments this week.  From there I can formulate a plan - a plan of treatment, recovery and major changes in how to find balance that my body is obviously lacking.  I'm excited for these changes- it's like a new beginning.  The problem is that I have no idea where to start! 

Mom and Aunt Sharon are taking great care of me!  And a special thanks to Kelly S for the huge bag of gifts and for taking my loving (but loud) daughters for the day and evening. 

As far as the Super Bowl...I'm proud to be from Indiana- they have hosted a great Super Bowl from what I hear!  I could really care less about either team, but being a Colts fan, there is no possible way I could be happy if the Pats won our turf.  Instead, I'm rooting for Madonna and good commercials!  As always, please feel free to send me a happy, fun, or sappy email at amymariesmith93@gmail.com.

Mastectomy, Part Deux

How about the irony that I'm writing this blog entry on Groundhog's Day?  Next verse, same as the first!  Kinda.  AND, I flipped through the movie channels this morning, and guess what was on?  SOUL SURFER!  (insert Twilight Zone music here)

Admittedly, I'm under the influence of pain meds right now, so hopefully I make sense.  This surgery site is much more painful than what I experienced with my other mastectomy last July.  The reason?  Dr. Y had to cut deeper into my pectoral muscle because he needed a wider safety margin.  It hurts to move and breathe.  Pain meds haven't really helped- they just make me sleepy.  I did switch pain meds this morning, so we'll see how that goes. 

The good news:  my Sentinal Node was tested during surgery and came back negative!  But when the node is tested during surgery they only take a couple of sections because of time constraints.  The node will be looked at more intensely at Pathology along with a lot of breast tissue that Dr. Y took out.  The final report will be done by next week.  Dr. Y says "rarely" does the pathology come back positive after testing negative in surgery, but "rarely" certainly doesn't apply to me, right?  So until next week, I won't rest easy quite yet.

Having suffered a lot of nausea after my last mastectomy, the anesthesiologist ordered a Scopolamine patch for me at my reconstruction surgery, and for this surgery too.  It worked for the nausea! YAY!  However, I can't see up close!  Both times I've had to wear my Mom's reading glasses to use my phone and laptop for about 72 hours after surgery.  {I'd like to know if any of you have suffered blurry vision from the Scopolamine patch}. Just to cover the bases, they did order Phenergen for nausea in the hospital so I could sleep. WOW, that stuff made me extremely woozy, I couldn't even form a sentence. My friend Joey, who spent the night with me at the hospital said I was hilarious-  I guess at one point when they asked me for my name and birthday, I gave them my address, then my social security number.  I couldn't come up with my birthday.  I have no recollection of any of that!

While I'm on the topic of my hospital stay, I want to give a huge shout-out to my friend Joey (Westfall) McGill, who spent the day and night with me at the hospital both times.  It gave me such comfort having her there.  Thanks so much, Jo!!!  Your positive outlook, faith, and sense of humor got me through the hospital stays.  And my rockstar Mom and my Aunt Sharon are taking such good care of me too, and I'm sure I'm not the easiest patient in the world.

Many have asked about how the kids are doing.  I may have the world's most amazing kids!  They are age 12, 11, and 11 for those who don't know them.  They are definitely worried about me, I can tell, and seeing me in pain is a little freaky for them, because I'm their rock.  Keeping the lines of communication open is the key- I encourage them to talk to me and I'm honest and up front with them always.  They will be better for all of this someday. 

Again, if you wish to email me because the comment box doesn't work, you can do so at amymariesmith93@gmail.com .   Also, follow me on Twitter at @amysmith70.  I love hearing from everyone! EVERYONE!

Arm-Chair Radiologist

Last night, I was digging through my "Breast Cancer" file, and I came across my mammography films from last April.  I convinced myself that I could examine these films and actually see the tumor that was "missed" or "not detected" on my right breast.  Setting up the brightest lamp I could find in the house, I propped my laptop up for Internet assistance, and stared for a half-hour at my right breast image as if I was a radiologist.  Maybe down the road, a second look at this mammography by an actual professional will be prudent, but honestly, in my arm-chair radiologist opinion, the machine "didn't press the right spot" or something.  There, how's that for a scientific explanation!? The other explanation I thought of was that it's probably clearly there in black and white, but the radiologist didn't bother looking at it because he was so fixated on the cancer in my left breast that he forgot to look at the right side.  To be honest, I feel a little foolish, after having sent countless "get your mammogram, it saved my life" Facebook posts- ironically, my mammogram only got it 50% correct and that's not good when you're talking about cancer!  Thank God I had reconstruction, or I'm not sure how long it would have gone undetected.  I realize that none of this is productive, I'm just so angry about all of this and I don't know how to get a grip on it.  Aside from the obvious inconvenience of being a busy working single mother that still has breast cancer, I have to eat up all of my vacation days again recovering from surgery, meet my deductible again, and incur another $6000 in out-of-pocket medical expenses again, all by the end of January!  {I know, I know, I'm lucky to have a job and insurance, yada yada yada (silver lining),}.  One thing is certain- cancer doesn't care who you are, how old you are, or how much savings you have!

The reality of my mastectomy surgery in two weeks is starting to sink in, but there are some lessons I learned from the last mastectomy surgery that will undoubtedly help me this time:

1.  DRAIN DRAMA.  Drains SUCK but I'll leave them in a lot longer this time around.  Drains are there for a reason and last time around, I convinced the Doc filling in for my Doc while on vacation, that it was fine to take them out.  As a result, the site had to be needle-drained 5 times.  I'm positive Dr. S, being so annoyingly conservative, would not have removed them that soon, had he been at that appointment.

2.  NIPPLE NIGHTMARE.  I will take something for relaxation before my sentinal node injection.  During this procedure, the radiologist injects needles into 4 spots around the nipple w/radioactive dye (ouch, SERIOUSLY) so that the surgeon can "map" the lymph nodes during surgery.  This, I'm dreading- I wish I didn't know what was coming.

3.  ALIEN PEE.  Nobody bothered to tell me that because of said nuclear dye mentioned above, that your pee turns blue.  I mean, BLUE.  I completely freaked out the first time I peed after surgery.  No surprises there this time.  Wouldn't you think a "heads up" would have been appropriate in that situation?

4.  ANESTHESIA LIGHTWEIGHT. In both surgeries, I had problems with anesthesia.  After the first surgery, I was very sick and nauseous. Guess what? Dry-heaving after a mastectomy is very painful.  At my reconstruction surgery, because of that, the anesthesiologist gave me a Scopolamine patch and it worked for the nausea, however, my vision was blurry for a couple of days. We still aren't sure what happened after the second surgery, as to why I had all the breathing problems.  That will be addressed too, I'm sure, this time around. 

5.  ITCHY STITCHIES. Reconstruction on my breast was delayed a couple of weeks because of incision issues.  I'm sure this is hit or miss, but I might start earlier on the Xeroform gauze anyway as a precaution.

6.  PILL HOARDING. This time around, I will say YES every single time any of my team of doctors/surgeons offers me pain medication!  I have taken only 5 Vicodin (pills, not bottles!) through this whole ordeal and I don't plan to have to take many this time around either, however, I think that just in case there is a holocaust or zombie apocalypse, I should start stock-piling immediately.  It is 2012, afterall...  JK! In all seriousness, I'm not a big fan of pain meds and luckily to this point, I haven't suffered too much pain.

7.  BUH-BYE, CHICKEN CUTLET.  I used that damn silicone insert to "even me out" after the last mastectomy and it was a gigantic pain in the ass.  Once, at the gym, I used it in my sports bra.  When I run outside, I don't bother with it, but being at the gym makes me a little self-conscious....well, I look down after my workout and my "chicken cutlet" was in the middle of my chest- it looked like I had 3 boobs (3 very uneven boobs)!  Nice.  I'm going to invest in a good post-mastectomy bra, or two, after this surgery.  None of my old bras fit anyway because Kim is bigger.  Should I need treatment after surgery, my reconstruction will be delayed anyway, so I might as well be comfortable.

8.  NOBODY LIKES MARTYRS.  Accept all help offered.

Just get here, January 31!  Let's get this cancer out once and for all and MOVE ON.  Everyone is sick of the drama and I've got some living to do. 

The stupid comment box is still wreaking havoc on some of you, so please feel free to email me with love mail, hate mail, funny mail, suggestions, comments, jokes, dirty jokes, encouragement, prayers, or whatever to amymariesmith93@gmail.com.  Thanks!